𝕓𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣 . - J.Mz & B.Hd

13. What do you desire?

" Okay so, is this something.. regular? " Rami gestured between the two. " NO. " They both said synchronized. " Okay, so what was that all about just now? " Rami asked trying to make his friends start to speak up instead of just sitting and being quiet. " Goodbye kiss? " Joe said making Ben scoff. " Didn't look like a goodbye kiss to me. " Rami said making Joe groan and let his head fall back. " Okay we fucked so what? It isn't like we are dealing drugs or something. We stopped, it's okay. Can I go now? " Ben wasn't looking at Joe this whole time and just having a whole breakdown about him fucking up a friendship so bad. " It's okay I mean you aren't hurting me with it when you two fuck. Seriously fuck each other's brains out for all I care. It's just that I hope you two won't hurt yourselves.. " Rami said trailing off. " What do you mean? " Ben asked and Rami just scoffed while shaking his head. " Talk with each other about it, it might help. " He said leaving the two alone. 

The silent was too loud for both of them. They both hadn't said anything for 5 minutes just side glancing and fiddling on whatever because of the nervousness. " Did- " Joe began making Ben snapping his head up. " Did I hurt you? " Joe finished. Ben didn't know why but he melted from the inside as if someone turned on the stove. He thought Joe would call him out or even just tell at him but the first thing he heard was the said boy asking in the most quiet voice if he hurt him. " Oh- No, it's okay, shouldn't be an idiot.. " Ben said making them both laugh but sokn falling into silence again. " We really need to talk. " Joe spoke and Ben looked up confused. " This Ben, " Joe said as he gestured between himself and the blonde. " I hope you know this isn't right. Best friends aren't supposed to- " He let out a deep sigh out of frustration covering his face into his hands. " Best friends, aren't supposed to fuck each other 4 times in a week. " He finished looking up at his friend. 

He was right, Ben thought. But what was he supposed to do now? Act like nothing happened? Act like they didn't fuck for a whole month? It was easy to say to just forget it and move on while you still could feel. " So what now? " Ben asked locking eyes with Joe. " I guess, this is where we quit. " Joe said so easily but the drop his heart made wasn't really easy. Joe let out the deepest sigh and stood up trying to keep his upcoming tears inside. When he was about to walk away Ben grabbed his wrist. " Don't do this Joe, please. " Joe still stood with his back facing Ben. " Please. " Ben said again. " What are we supposed to do then Ben? What are we supposed to fucking do? " Joe asked finally turning around. " We know each other for so long Joe, don't waste it by a stupid mistake. " Joe let out a bitter laugh. " Easy talk. Do you seriously think we can act normal without having that regular schedule of us fucking? " Joe asked. " Who says we need to stop? " Joe looked up at the absurd idea. " Are you stupid? So what, we would just be friends who fuck for fun? " Joe joked laughing at his own mention but when he saw that Ben wasn't lauging at all he looked at him in confusion. " You are joking aren't you? " 

" No I am not. " Ben said and Joe just shook his head while laughing bitterly already walking away. " Think about it, we just get laid and don't talk about it but we are still able to stay best friends. " Ben said it as if it was the most normal thing ever. " And what about catching feelings? " Joe asked turning around. " I mean, do you think you are gonna catch feelings for me? " 

" No. " Joe said as fast as he could and Ben let out a short laugh. " Same, so we aren't catching feelings. " Joe looked down and sighed. " Give me time to think about it. " Joe said as he left his friend kind of hurt.

-

Joe had insomnia that night. The only thoughts going through his head was Ben and his offer. He got an text from Rami not too long ago asking if everything was ' Okay '. Only if he knew Joe thought turning around again for the 1000th time. ' No. ' That was the answer. The first thing Joe is going to do tomorrow is walk to Ben's apartment, knock on his door, tell him to find someone else to suck him off and leave. With that thought Joe finally fell asleep at 5 AM.

-

' Come on Joe you can do this. Just tell him: ' No find someone else. ' and leave. ' He told himself while walking in his pajamas towards the apartment not that far from his own. He hesitated for a moment when he stood infront of his friend's door. After a good discussion with himself he knocked and not many seconds after that the door swung open and he got kissed. He hated himself for not pushing him away or stopping him. " I'm so glad you agreed. " Ben said kissing him again. ' You fucking IDIOT tell him now that you aren't continuing this! ' He yelled inside his head. All the things he couldn've said to stop it Joe had a kind of black out not knowing how to respond anymore.

" Yeah. "