𝕓𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣 . - J.Mz & B.Hd

24. Holding on and letting go.

Joe didn't know for how long they sat there in silence but he surely knew that he was running out of patience. The only sound really filling the room was probably the clock ticking or the cars outside. Joe side glanced every now and then at Ben but refused to actually talk. Why was he here again? Joe asked himself. Why wasn't he saying anything? Was he doing it on purpose? Ben opened his mouth to only shut it again. Joe was actually done, he hated the silence they sat in for about 15 minutes now.

" Why did you do that? " Joe asked looking at Ben who knitted his eyebrows in confusion. " What? " He asked tilting his head a bit. " Why did you hold my hand back there? " Joe asked finding all his courage to actually speak up. " Did I? Oh I don't- " Ben began getting cut off. " Stop the bullshit. " It grew quiet again with Ben looking down in regret of probably ever walking home with Joe but at this moment Joe couldn't care less. Ben never even should have talked to him in the first place, he didn't care if he grew uncomfortable that was what he deserves for acting like a straight up asshole. The 7 year old Joe would've never thought that the Ben he played with on the playground would ever turn out to be the person Joe would fall inlove for.

" I think we both know something is wrong. " Joe said still looking at the boy. " I.. I don't know Joe- "

" Yes you fucking do stop acting dumb! " Joe stood up getting really annoyed by his friend. " Why can't you just admit that even you can see there is something wro- " Joe started but flinched when Ben stood up. " Maybe because I don't want to! " He answered raising his voice. " Maybe you can only see there is something wrong since you are the blame for it! " Ben yelled looking at the boy getting more angry. " I am the one to blame?! For what?! " Joe bawled his fists, he was so done at this point. " If you didn't go on a whole streak when you found out you were gay, sucking off nearly every guy on our school, all of this wouldn't happen! " Ben yelled making Joe step closer. " First of all why would you even care who I suck off and second of all aren't you the one fucking everything that has a vagina?! " Joe couldn't stand getting blamed for literally nothing. Ben took also a step closer, " And even if I fucked everything that has a vagina, why do you care?! " 

" Why can't I find someone else while you can fuck every girl on our school?! Why do you always get jealous whenever I see someone else?! I don't think you hear me complaining when you have your threesomes with girls you don't even know the name of!  " Joe yelled out of rage but he didn't even care since he was done keeping silent. 

" Do you know how hard it was for me?! " Ben asked taking a step forward. Joe scoffed at the question. " Please go aw- " Joe began turning around but Ben grabbed his wrist stopping him. " Did you know how hard it was for me trying to get the same feeling with so many other girls that I had with you?! " Joe grew silent. " What are you saying- " 

" Did you know how hard it was for me to fuck almost every girl to just erase, the feelings I had? " Ben asked voice going down. " I even fucked another boy just to- " He cut himself off going with his hand through his hair in frustration. " I DON'T GET IT EVEN IF I TRY SO HARD AND FUCK ALMOST EVERYONE I- " He stopped looking down. " I always come back to you.. " Joe was shocked and his heart was about to explode since it was beating so fast. " Ben I- " Joe began to talk but he got cut off. " I think I fell for you Joe, and I felt hard. " Ben confessed bawling his fists so tightly he felt his nails dig through his palm. It was quiet for too long making Ben wait impatiently for just one word or even just a noise. Joe was looking down still trying to process what just had been said. " Ben, " Joe started his voice quiet but that didn't matter because Ben only wanted Joe to talk.

" You're too late. " Joe said as he looked up. " I- " He began seeing his vision turn blurry. " I think it's time to move on. " Joe voiced out his throat hurting. The only thing he still could remember was the door slamming shut and Joe falling on the floor crying.

what if i said that this was the ending 🤭🙂