𝕓𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣 . - J.Mz & B.Hd

19. Love on the brain.

Joe woke up with his eyes feeling heavy, probably because he cried really hard yesterday. He backed up when he realized the position they laid in but the arm around his waist tightened. " Don't. " The low raspy voice spoke making Joe go weak. " Okay. " Joe said his voice cracking. Why did his voice had to fucking crack at this moment? If it wasn't already bad enough. 

" Are you okay? " Ben spoke up referencing to the night before. " Yeah, alot. " Joe confessed kind of embarrassed so he hid his face more inside the crook of Ben's neck. Ben chuckled, " Good. " he said as he didn't even notice that Joe was currently dying. " We have school. " Joe said carefully not really wanting to ever get out of this position- Wait why not? 

" Oh yeah.. " Ben trailed off staring at the ceiling. Joe then looked up at the boy. " We could skip for today.. " Ben suggested and Joe quietly let out a short laugh. " We can't, I skipped enough this year and besides Gwil would kill me if I would leave him alone with Lucy and Rami. " Joe said freeing himself out of the position but when he turned around Ben quickly hovered over him. " I won't let you go. " He said jokingly. " Oh shut up. " Joe laughed looking up at the boy who grew silent above him. " What? " Joe laughed really not knowing why his friend was staring at him like that. " Nothing, you're just cute. " Ben confessed and Joe was actually flabbergasted but Ben quickly planted a kiss on his lips after jumping off of him walking away leaving Joe with a heart that was currently only skipping beats faster and faster. 

Joe tried not to feel anything but even now he could feel he was falling, really hard. 

-

Couple of minutes later Ben walked out of his apartment with new clothes since the clothes he wore in the morning were covered with wetspots of Joe probably drooling. At that thought Joe blushed in embarrassment not knowing since when he grew embarrassed and shy for his best friend. 

Walking to school was not awkward or anything since Ben probably forgot everything or just didn't care because he was currently talking about the dumbest things to Joe which of course wasn't weird since they always talked about the dumbest things together but the only thing being off was Joe. Ben however didn't really notice his friend being silent or only responding with: ' That's crazy, yeah, woah. ' 

Of course Joe wasn't only off guard because of one word. Well, he didn't know. Maybe it was because he got called cute by his friend. Why did one word seem so much suddenly? It was really nothing and Ben was probably joking or something but Joe's heart still kept beating fast whenever he thought about it. 

-

" Guys look what I can do- " Ben said as he put two straws in his mouth. " Please no. " Lucy said squeezing the bottle making it shot up. " EW Ben! " Rami said as the boy currently was coughing because of the drink shooting too far up his throat. " Not my fault! " 

Joe didn't even notice himself staring at the boy doing whatever he was doing. He got snapped out of his gaze when Ben also noticed himself getting stared at. He just smiled making Joe realize he has been staring for way too long. He quickly looked away leaving Ben quite confused but he couldn't care less so he just continued annoying the girl next to him.

Joe turned his head to only meet Rami's eyes watching the whole thing happen. Joe just looked down since even though he knew Rami not that long, Rami always knew exactly what was wrong. 

Joe pushed all the awkwardness aside mainly because he didn't wanted to get stared at by Rami. Joe decided to play along with whatever Ben and Lucy were doing trying his best to ignore the feeling of someone staring him down. 

-

" Okay are you going to tell me what's wrong or are we just gonna pretend we both didn't see that? " Rami said slamming Joe's locker shut. " I don't know what you're talking about. " The boy said as he flinched. " Now if you will excuse me I have things to d- " Joe began as he pushed Rami slightly away. " Joe stop lying. " Rami said holding his wrist. " We are going to talk. Now. " 

-

Joe was quiet as he drank his smoothie sitting infront of Rami. Joe tried to avoid any eye contact clearly knowing Rami was waiting for him to start talking. Joe looked up still drinking and Rami gave him a face that said: Hello? Start talking. 

" Okay fine, what you saw was just- Wait what exactly did you see? " Joe asked getting kicked underneath the table. " Don't play dumb you know damn well what I saw. " Rami said and Joe looked down. " Okay I was looking at Lucy and Ben? What's the problem? Can't I look at people anymore? " Joe asked continuing to sip out of an empty bottle. He didn't even flinch when Rami slapped the bottle away making it fall on the edge of the table. " Thank you very much, you can pay for a new on- " Joe said as he looked at the bottle but Rami cut him off. " There is something wrong. " 

" Yeah my fucking smoothie that's what's wrong- " Joe began but got cut off again. " No not the damn smoothie I mean with you! " He yelled making Joe flinch and look around to see if people were watching but there were almost no people around them. " Tell me Joe because I know we both can see the changes. " He said his voice low. It was quiet and the silence grew more and more but when Rami tried to talk again Joe cut him off. " I-I'm just scared. " Joe said voice really quiet. Rami looked at the boy infront of him staring at just space. " I, " He sighed looking down. " First it was all okay and I actually enjoyed it having him by my side. I thought it would all go away and stop when we would just start being friends again. I- I though, even though we fucked that our friendship would last forever. I don't want to lose him I really don't Rami but it won't go away! It won't go away, it won't stop or let me stop it. I just can't. " Joe said sounding devastated like he lost himself.

" What do you mean, what won't go away? " Rami asked after some moments of silence and just Joe looking down deep in thought. " Joe-(?) " He spoke again getting cut off. " My heart. " He said looking up. " My stupid fucking heart. It won't stop beating. " He said voice cracking looking Rami in the eyes. " It won't stop beating when he touches me, it won't stop when he kisses me, it won't stop when he looks at me, it won't stop when.. " He trailed off looking down. " He's with me. " He finished. 

Rami was quiet for a while, he never saw Joe this broken and confused at the same time. Rami hesitated to even start talking since watching the boy in this state he didn't even know what to say. He sighed deeply seeing Joe looking down. " You love him don't you? " Rami spoke up ending the long silence. Joe looked up at the boy. 

Thoughts flew through his head about all the things they did the couple of months. All the heart beating and all the warm feelings he got. All the hopes he pushed away because no it wasn't supposed to be like that, they knew each other too long for that. The times that literally he was the only one knowing how to push all of Joe's buttons. That he was the only one being able to make him cry like no one else did no matter happy or sad. He cried because it was him, he got that much impact. 

Joe looked down and scoffed sadly hearing it by himself made his heart break even more. 

" Yeah. " 

HEY hello oof well that was 👀👀👀 anyways i had so many ideas of him confessing his shit that i just came with this one so i hope yall like it 🤠