Finding Myself {Completed}

Flashback- Berryl

"Hey, Granny who is my mother?" I had been running away from this question ever since I was old enough to think for myself. I realized that all my friends had at least one parent but I lived with my grandmother. I knew what had happened to my dad- he and my mom were a one night stand and he never knew that I had been born but, what about my mom? I wondered everyday why my grandmother never spoke about her. Whatever it was, it wasn't good.

You can only imagine how much courage it took me to finally ask the question I had been dodging all my teen years. Now that I was in college, I needed to know. It was time to have some answers to the questions. So here I was, seated in front of my grandmother hoping that she would be totally honest with me.

"Hey, Grandma who is my mother?" The surprised expression on her face was undeniable. She sighed, sat up straight and looked away, " I have been waiting a long time for this question. I am so sorry, I never told you about your mother. Truth is, it hurts me the most. I always wanted to tell you but I just couldn't." I only starred at her waiting for her to continue.

"Your mother- my daughter, was a good child who got lost in the pleasures of this world. At the age of 18, she started doing drugs and eventually became an addict. I didn't raise my daughter like that. I raised her to be a good Christian woman but I guess parents can't really change anything about their children. I tried all I could to help her stop using drugs but the more I tried, the deeper she went.

Eventually, she started sleeping around and then she got pregnant with a man she had no relationship with, as you already know. She found out too late that she was pregnant and was too afraid to abort you that she kept you anyway. After nine months, she had you and lived the most terrible life. I tried so many times to ask her to come home but she threatened to run away from town if I asked ever again." She paused and looked at me for any reaction but honestly, I didn't know what to do so she continued.

"When you were a year old, I heard from some friends that she was planning on giving you away to anyone who wanted for as little as a pack of cigars" I felt the disgust and hurt in my grandmas voice.

"To prevent her from doing anything stupid, I had a cop friend, give her the pack of cigars and bring you to me and then I had him arrest her and take her to rehab...I should have done that a long time ago but I didn't and I hate myself everyday for that. I vowed to take care of you with all I had so you wouldn't turn out like her."

I had just received so much information that I could barely breathe. "Does she know that you were the one who took me and had her sent to rehab?" I asked

"Yes, she does but I made a deal with her- she was never to see you nor communicate with you or I was gonna have her arrested for real."

"Its been 20 years now, shouldn't she be out of rehab?"

"Yes, she was released a few years ago finally free from her addiction"

"And why hasn't she tried to look for me?" I asked feeling even more broken hearted

"I told her to stay away from you and that we do not want to have anything to do with her."

"You had no right to do that!" I responded as calmly as I could. I wished I could have known my mom my whole life and when I had the opportunity it was taken away from me. I couldn't be angry at my Grandma she is a good woman, she has been my rock since day one. I needed to be more considerate and understanding and so with tears rolling down my eyes, I pulled her into a hug and told her how much I appreciated her.

At this point, I didn't know which was better- knowing about my mom or not knowing at all. With a spinning head and tears running down my eyes, I excused myself and headed back to my apartment, I needed to be alone so I could think straight.

A/N

Alright, Alright. This ends all the flashbacks.

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