Finding Myself {Completed}

**Chapter 38**

We are almost half way into the semester and it seems like only yesterday we reopened school. Today is a holiday and so, I get to spend the day free from any school work. I would probably meet up with Hanson later in the evening.

I massage my temples to calm my headache as my phone rings. I have been experiencing severe headaches for days now because of the nightmares.

"Hey, mom." I smile. It has been a while since I heard from my family.

"Hey, honey! How are you doing?"

"I am okay, mom..."

"No, hun. I need you to be honest with me. I can feel it when you are not doing okay. Having nightmares?"

"... It's been going on for a while now mom. I have only been trying to be strong for you guys." I can feel the tears filling my eyes.

"oh, honey. You don't have to be strong for us. We need you to talk to us baby. Have you been getting any sleep?"

"No..."

"oh, my precious girl. Do you want to go see Doctor Samantha?" Doctor Samantha is the psychiatrist/Counsellor who helped me out of depression when I was younger.

"No, no. I am going to be alright..."

"... and I do not doubt that honey, but sometimes we all need a little help getting through the tough times. Just, think about it okay?"

"Alright mom. Thanks a lot. Are dad and Andrew around?"

"Yes, they are. Want to say hi?"

"Sure, why not?"

~~~~~••••••~~~~~

I meet Hanson by his car when he arrives at my apartment around six thirty in the evening.

"Hey, why don't we take a walk instead?" I ask as we are about to sit in the car. Honestly I just want some fresh air.

"Sure?" He asks looking concerned.

"Yes, I am sure." He takes my hand as we walk out of the school. We use the quietest street as we enjoy each others company and the buzz from the occasional car that passes by.

"Kay, wanna talk to me about what's on your mind?" Hanson asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Mom wants me to go back to therapy." I respond.

"Do you want to?"

"I do not know Hanson. I mean, I thought I was okay before. I feel like going to therapy means I am going back to square one..." I look at him waiting for a response. He says nothing so I continue. " I feel like going back to therapy would only make me feel like I have let down my family and myself. You have no idea how my depression tore my family apart. I just have to be strong for them."

"What about you? Who is going to be strong for you?" I look away having no answer to his question.

"Look hun, I know your family cares for you and I am very confident that you care for them too but please, you also need to take care of yourself. Going to therapy does not mean for a second that you have failed anyone or that you are weak. It only means that you are strong enough to face your fears and you are confident that you would overcome them... and I promise that I would be here every step of the way..." He pulls me in for a hug and I break down in tears.

"...okay, I am gonna go to therapy." I whisper in his ears.

"I love you Kay, so very much."

"I love you too Hanson. Thank you." I lean in for a kiss, ignoring the fact that we are standing by the street.

~~~~~•••••~~~~~

"Hey mom." I call my mom after Hanson and I arrive at my apartment.

"Hey honey."

"I have decided that I want to come home for therapy."

"Oh, that's wonderful honey..." I can literally feel her smiles. "...I would call Dr. Samantha to schedule your appointments. It should be as soon as possible."

"Yes. I would be coming home tomorrow."

"Oh, that's great honey..."

"mmm, I am coming with Hanson. Hope that's alright..."

"That's no problem at all honey. I would prepare a room for him. He is always welcome.."

"...and Berryl too..." I add as Berryl hits me from behind. She and Hanson had been listening to my conversation the whole time.

"haha... I guess that's a full house. Your friends really care for you. You and her could share your room then."

"Alright mom. Thanks a lot. See you all tomorrow. I love you so much."

"I love you too sweetie."

A/N

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