Finding Myself {Completed}

**Chapter 41**

I take a seat in front of Dr. Samantha and smile at her with pressed lips. Being in her office reminds me so much of the days I used to come here.

"How are you doing, Kayley?"

"I...am okay?" I respond and look away.

"No... How are you really doing?" She asks again.

"I have been having nightmares for a while now and it is constantly a worse  version of the day I got kidnapped..." I rub my temples and close my eyes.

"And how have you been dealing with it?"

"Well... I do not know... I just go about my day as though nothing happens trusting that I am going to get better... But, once in a while I feel intense fear and sadness during the day. I... have not had enough sleep either... errrm... I guess that's it..."

She is about to say something but I continue, "narrating it makes me feel like I am only exaggerating what I am going through, you know? But the truth is everyday I wake up I feel a bit stronger and yet weaker at the same time. I feel happy and sad at the same time. I am going to pull to right?..."

"Do you know what I see here?" She smiles at me?

"What?"

"A girl who is growing up and maturing."

"What?" I laugh in disbelief. She must be messing with my head with psychology stuff.

"Remember when you came here years ago?" She continues before I can respond. "You were afraid, you were crying and you were broken. Even after weeks of counselling you wouldn't talk to me, you lost weight, you were angry, and you refused to accept that you were depressed... the list goes on and on. But today, I see a girl who accepts that she is going through something yet believes that she is strong enough to overcome."

"You...you got all that from what I said?" Its very hard to believe her.

"I have my ways. Look Kayley, old memories and experiences especially the bad ones often try to haunt us and for some of us, those memories often emerge in the most painful ways, like nightmares. Many people I have counselled like yourself, tell me that the first step they take is accepting that they are going through something— denial makes it very hard for you to raise above this. So, believe me when I say you are closer to getting better than you actually know." She takes in deep breathe and allows me to think through all she just said.

We continue talking and she tells me about some cases she has had and how the patients got better. I feel more confident knowing that I am not alone and that many people have been able to get better.

"So, what do I do next." I ask

"Just keep living, do the things you love and spend more time with the people you love. Try not resist the pain when it comes. Just watch the pain as it goes by. I do not promise immediate recovery but I can tell you that it works."

"So, that's it?" I ask in disbelief. "You would not prescribe any drugs like before?"

"No and also, you do not need to come back for counselling. You may continue if you wish but, professional advice, you do not need it. You would do just fine." She winks at me.

"Really? I did not expect to hear this." I give her a hug genuinely grateful that I came here today.

"Thank you so much Doc. You have no idea what your words mean to me." I smile as widely as I can.

"Sweetie, no need to thank me." She hugs me back.

~~~~~•••••~~~~~
I step out of the hospital feeling a lot better than when I came in. Going to see Doctor Samantha was truly worth it.

Its almost 2pm, I decide to call my brother so I can join them wherever they are.

"Hey Andrew." I greet when he answers the call.

"Hey, sis. Done? How are you?"

"I am okay. Actually, I am feeling great."

"Woah. Nice. Wanna talk about it?"

"Yeah but maybe later. Where are you guys so I can join you."

"Our favorite restaurant, of course!"

"Okay. See you in a jiffy." I am about to end the call but he continues, "I am glad that you are feeling great sis. I love you."

"I love you too. Thank you. See you guys soon."

~~~~~•••~~~
"Hey, honey!" Hanson says as I take a seat next to him in the restaurant. Berryl gives me a hug, my brother winks at me and they both move to a different seat leaving Hanson and I alone.

"I missed you!" Hanson says and kisses me on the lips.

"I missed you too Hans."

I rest my head on his shoulders as the waiter walks towards our table. I order a plate of rice and fried chicken. I just realized how hungry I am.

"Thanks hun, for helping me decide to see Dr. Samantha. I am very happy I went." I narrate everything to him.

"I am so happy for you honey. You are truly stronger than you think. So, whats your decision? Would you go back?"

"No. I am going to take her advise."

"I love you."

"I love you too."
Berryl and Andrew destroy our moment as they sit back down.

We spend the rest of the day chatting and laughing.

Being with the people I love is truly a blessing.

A/n
Happy Reading!