My Saviour - Tanner X Woods

Chapter 17 - Distanced

Woods' POV

I passed Tanner as he headed back to blue base and I headed over to red base. He had no clue what had just happened. My vision was still a little unclear and I was still dizzy but I managed to get to red base without stumbling or wobbling too much.

A tall blonde man walked towards me as I walked through the door. "You must be Woods. I'm Joey or J-Fred as others call me, I really don't mind either." He smiled. I nodded and smiled back. I hadn't been to red base before and Tanner said I should go and check it out but he was busy. I decided it would be good to go now so I'm out of blue base.

Joey lead me around the office. It was pretty cool. It seemed to be still shell like but slowly getting there. I felt a small buzz in my pocket. I pulled out my phone and I had a text from Tanner.

 T - Can you meet me back at our office, I need to talk to you x

W - Yeah sure. Will be two mins x

-Time Skip-

"Look I just need some time to get my head around this.. Us.. You... I don't know. But I need time. I can't help you if I don't feel good. I feel drained of energy constantly and I'm exhausted. I want to make sure you're okay but I can't handle all of the emotions and sudden changes." Tanner said.

I nodded. He hates me. All I do is destroys everybody's happiness. I told him I was toxic. I told him he would get worse if he came near me. He didn't listen. He kept saying it was okay. It was never okay. He got back to work and I went outside and sat on the bench by the office. As I walked out I felt my breathing shift and I fell by the side of the bench. I was shaking so much.

I needed help. I couldn't breathe at all and every memory rushed through my head at once. I couldn't slow anything down. I reached side wards patting the ground trying to find my phone. I eventually found it and lifted it above me so I could see the screen. I dropped it a couple of times due to my shaking.

W: Matt please help, I'm outside by the bench.

After a few seconds, Matt came rushing out and was by my side immediately. "What's happened? Are you alright?" He asked. I was shaking violently and crying on the concrete. He placed his hand on my hands to try and stop me shaking so much. My entire body was shaking as though I was having a fit.

I was getting really bad again. Since I met Tanner, I got better. I still wasn't good, but I was better than I had been for years. Everybody I ever talked to ended up leaving or ending up depressed themselves so I shut myself away from everybody. They all said they would help but didn't realise how toxic I was. My trust in anybody has been broken so many times and I finally believe I find somebody who might actually accept me and stick around but I'm always very aware that they will leave because it's what happens all the time.

Matt started talking to me about what he overheard Paul and CJ talking about earlier in the day. I was laughing but I wasn't actually processing anything he was saying. Just adapting to how be spoke.

I couldn't stop thinking that I was a lie in it all again. I had nobody to talk to once again and I would have to lock it all away again and pretend I was alright. I finally accepted that I wasn't okay and needed help but now I realise it was a massive mistake. I should have never opened up. I knew I would just make him worse and yet I continued. I constantly felt guilty and apologised or tried to stop talking when I spoke about me. He pushed to hear more but I knew I was always just so negative and it drains you. For some reason it just kicked me in the face. Nobody had been honest with me about it before. They usually just slowly disappeared from my life but hearing it got to me. I'm glad I know where I stand but it still hurt.