My Saviour - Tanner X Woods

Chapter 32 - It's Nothing, I swear.

Woods' POV

The feeling of dread hit me once again as I approached the door to the office. I didn't want to pretend anymore. I wanted to say I was okay and mean it, not constantly be lying through my teeth just to stop everyone hating me any more than they already. Sam has been really cheerful recently, that seems to have lifted my spirits a little. 

The door beeped and I entered slowly, taking a breath as I did so. Matt walked past me in a hurry. "Morning Woods." He said cheerily but stressed. 

"Morning." I grunted. I heard Matt chuckle a second before the door slammed shut and he was gone. 

I headed towards Sams office, hoping that seeing her would cheer me up a bit. I quietly knocked on the door. "Come in!" She said enthusiastically. As I walked in, her excited eyes fell on me. "Oh hey, Woods. How are you doing this beautiful morning?" She glanced out the window, the bright smile not leaving her face. 

"I'm okay, you?" I replied, already beginning to feel lighter. 

"I'm good thanks." She smiled brightly. She was going to say something but was cut off by Tanner knocking and entering the room. Her smile shifted a little, turning from delight to simply okay. 

"Woods, can I borrow you please?" He smiled awkwardly, clearly unsure of the situation. I looked at Sam and she smiled and nodded, giving me the go ahead to leave with Tanner. I was kind of hoping she would keep talking to me for a little longer so I didn't have to deal with whatever was to come. 

I reluctantly followed behind Tanner, gently closing Sam's door behind me. Tanner walked into our office, holding the door open for me and closing it behind me once I was inside. I hesitantly sat in my chair and got out my headphones along with my phone. I had a feeling I wouldn't like what he had to say. 

"Woods, look... please just.. just talk to me. You seemed so genuinely happy last night and you awoke this morning in the worst state I've seen for a while. Please. What's happened?" 

I was right, I didn't like it. "I don't want to talk about it." I said simply. 

"Woods. Please." He pleaded. It made me sick. 

"I had a nightmare, that's all. Stupid really." 

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked sounding slightly hurt. 

"Look, I don't have to tell you everything. I have nightmares, much like anybody else I know. It's not as though it's a rare occurrence, a disease or whatever you are trying to make this out to be. It's normal. 

"Yeah, but it's clearly got to you, and I hate seeing you like this. First, you didn't eat breakfast, you took ages in the bathroom and you're covering your arms like you've.. like you've.."

"You can't even say it can you? Harmed, Tanner. The word is harmed. Oh and just so you know;" I pulled up my sleeves all the way and twisted my arms."I haven't harmed." I emphasize the word each time. "Oh and, I'm covering my arms because I'm terrified of what you're going to say to me." I didn't mean to be so passive aggressive, but I was feeling defensive. He was pressuring me again, like always. I know he is just trying to help, but he is too protective. "Tanner, it was a nightmare, I'm okay now. Please, can I just do my work?" I reassured him. He sighed heavily and sat over by his desk. 

I shuffled in my seat a little, trying to soothe my discomfort. I turned on my music and put on my headphones, trying to block out all the thoughts. I focused on the lyrics more than the song itself; many times, finding myself teary eyed and shaking more than usual.  

A few hours passed and no conversations had taken place. The room remained imbued with everlasting awkwardness, causing an overwhelming feeling of drapetomania. I just wanted to get out of there and never turn back; instead, I sat, music blasting in my ears, and my head pounding. A quiet knocking at the door seemed to stir the atmosphere, I noticed Tanner look cautiously up to the door that was now slowly opening. Sam peered her head around the door, a nervous smile plastered on her face.

"Hey, can I borrow Woods for a bit, please? I need him to check some stuff." She asked Tanner, warily, not daring to go against his wishes. Tanner nodded and smiled. I stood up hastily and walked out, slamming the door behind me. Sam looked at me with some concern and continued walking. She opened her office door and gestured for me to sit down. She closed the door quietly and pulled down the blind. 

She sat down at her desk carefully. I felt like a pupil who was sat in the head master's office that was about to be shouted at. 

"What's wrong?" She said blankly. 

"Nothing?" I was confused. She just randomly appeared to ask me what's wrong? 

"You're not okay. What's wrong?" 

"I'm fine, I promise." 

"Don't promise me something that isn't true Woods. I know only just joined, but I know when someone isn't okay, and you are not okay. So please, don't shut me out; it's good to get stuff off your chest." She insisted. 

I looked at the floor. Wow... What the hell do I say? I don't want to lie. I don't want to shut her out. But everything is screaming at me and I don't know what to do. 

"I feel like shit." I blurted out. I covered my mouth, feeling shocked I just said something. I didn't mean to. She smiled a little. 

"That's a start... continue." She said as she crossed her arms. 

"Look, I'm grateful that you're looking out for me, but I'm seeing my therapist in an hour so I don't need to put unnecessary pressure on you." I tried to walk out. She stood up rapidly, nearly knocking her desk over. She grabbed my arm and looked at me. 

"I'm always here Woods, okay?" She said sincerely. She looked down at my arm and saw. She flinched away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. But what is this?" She saw the scars. New and old. 

"It's nothing." I raced out of the room and rushed into Tanner and I's office. I grabbed my bag and raced out again. 

"Woods!" Sam shouted as I ran out the front door. 

I pulled my sleeves over my hands, then placing my hand over my mouth to stop the sobbing noises from escaping me. I finally reached my car after what felt like an eternity, although it was only a few seconds. I turned on the engine and quickly sped off. As I pulled up outside the therapist's place, I reached to unplug my belt, pressing the button carefully but I heard no click. I wasn't wearing it. "Oops." I rolled my eyes sarcastically. 

I opened my door and looked anxiously towards the house. I ran my hands through my hair and slammed my door. I began walking slowly towards the door, feeling my heart rate pick up little by little as I took each step. 

I heard the keys rattle slightly in the door and it began to open. 

"Hello Woods." The man looked at me, a slight smile on his face. "It's okay now, I'm here.."