My Saviour - Tanner X Woods

Chapter 24 - Support

Woods' POV

I've been staying at Paul's for a few nights now. It's been fun I guess, but I would much rather be wrapped in Tanners arms. 

Paul and I seem to none stop play video games and drink beer. It's a great laugh, don't get me wrong, but I just miss Tanner. I moved back into the office with Tanner and we are talking now, but it's really awkward. There is no connection, just an occasional work based conversation that is over in seconds. We don't go out for lunch or coffee together anymore either. 

I have been doing loads of filming for Battle Universe and Tanner has finally been able to look at me during them, but once again, it's really awkward. I just miss our long routed, wacky conversations about the most random things anybody can ever think of. I miss how I laugh when with him and that warm tingling feeling in my stomach. Now it seem to be that the feeling in my stomach is fear. I don't know how to feel. 

I saw him in his car crying yesterday afternoon. That broke my heart. I didn't want to make things worse so I just kept walking. He came into the office and pretended like he hadn't just been crying and I had to pretend I didn't notice him sobbing into the steering wheel. 

I was stood in the kitchen getting coffee when Matt walked in. "Hey Woods, How are you doing?" He asked cheerily. 

"I'm fine thanks, how are you?"

"I'm good. How have you been recently?" He asked a little cautiously. 

"I've been alright I guess. Up and down but mainly alright." I was being honest. I did feel mainly alright. I could have definitely been better but I wasn't too negative. 

"Good to hear." He smiled. "So.. What's going on with you and Tanner?" He asked. I knew that he was trying to get 'my side of the story' because he was really close to Tanner and they always talked about everything with each other. 

"You know the reason I was having a panic attack last week? The fact he said I was too negative and couldn't cope with me, well it's the same again now. him and Gunner were talking about it and Tanner was crying and now we are here. I'm staying at Paul's and I don't know what's going on with Tanner." Perhaps it's just easier to smile and pretend everything is fine, rather than admit my heart is aching from losing something that wasn't even mine. Maybe that's what makes it even more difficult... he's not mine. 

"Ah okay. Tanner isn't really talking to anybody that's all. If he is talking to Gunner, that's good I guess. I think he is trying to separate himself from others to try and clear his head a bit, but now everybody is worried about him. Thanks Woods." He said as he walked out. I couldn't tell if it was a sarcastic thank you or not. Either way it stung a little. 

I took my coffee back to mine and Tanners office. Tanner was sat working and looked up at me. "Woods." I was a little startled. I wasn't expecting him to talk to me. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah sure." I tried to say cheerily.

"Look, I know I was acting like a petulant child last week, I'm sorry about that. I just had so much on my mind and I felt terrible for doing this to you. I mean, messing you about and that. You mean so much to me and I didn't want to lose you but I believed it was better for both of us this way. Both of us have lost people we love and neither of us have grieved. It's not the best idea to put two people together who will break at any moment in time. Once we have sorted ourselves out, we can finally be what we wanted, but for now, we just need to keep our distance. We can still be together if you want, but we can't deal with each other's emotional stuff. I'm going to book an appointment with a therapist and see what happens with that."

"I'm seeing my therapist today. It's my first appointment. Not going to lie, I'm terrified."

"You will be alright, but you have to open up and be truthful. They won't tell anybody unless they are seriously concerned for your safety. Like if they believe you are going to end everything. They have to tell somebody then. But please, just be honest, that's the only way you will get better." Tanner said. His eyes filled with concern.

"I will be honest. I'm just panicking because I don't know what to say or how to say it." 

"You will find a way when you get there. You won't actively know what you're doing or saying but you will just begin to realise that you just said a bunch of stuff you didn't really realise was on your mind. What time is your appointment anyway?" 

"I think at 2pm" I looked at my watch which read 1:45pm. "SHIT!" I threw my cup down on my desk and ran out. I guess the drink spilled over the side because my hand was now really sore and burning. I started my engine and raced towards the therapists place. 

When I arrived I lept out of my car and ran up to the door. I moved my hair out of my eyes and neatened myself up before knocking calmly, trying not to seem panicked. 

"Hello there, you must be Woods." A man spoke. He was soft spoken and seemed very calm. He gestured for me to come in. He lead me to a small lounge area and looked towards a sofa so I could sit down. 

Once I was sat, he closed the door and sat in the chair opposite me. I felt so awkward. He remained silent until I finally spoke up. 

"I am here because nobody can cope with me. I lost my sister two years ago in a car crash and my dad a year ago to cancer. All of my friends have told me I need to come here so here I am." 

Boy, this is going to be one hell of a ride...