My Saviour - Tanner X Woods

Chapter 8 - Weakness or Strength.

Tanners POV
I woke up noticing Woods had gone from beside me and the sheets were cold. I leant up against the headboard and stretched out a little. I began to hear a voice from another room singing and a piano playing beautifully. I slowly got up trying not to make a sound and crept across my room and onto the landing. I tip toed gently across the hallway and peeked through a small gap in the spare bedroom door. Woods had found the keyboard I had under the bed and he was playing the keys and singing.

"The sound that I had heard,
Was my own beating heart,
But you tend to cling on to things when your stumbling through the dark,
Is this the person you've become?
Or is this who you are?
My love my heart my fire,
Been rewired,
I've lost my self and i,
But I'll wake up,
I'm fine,
I'm fine,
I'm fine,
Can't you see that I don't really know who I'm trying to be,
I'm just trying to be free."

I didn't know he could sing. His voice was so smooth and the melody he was playing was so good to listen to. After the last chord was played he lifted his hands from the keys and shuffled the paper that laid in front of him before playing his head in his hands.

"Hey, Are you Okay?" Woods suddenly jumped up and grabbed the paper and held it close to him. "Yeah. I'm fine. What are you doing here?"
I laughed. "I live here too remember" Woods chuckled awkwardly and kept the paper close to his body.

"So um... We are meant to be heading to work today" I stated.
He nodded nervously "Yeah I know".
"Alright." I smiled. "I will just go and get dressed and make some breakfast and then we can head out."
"Okay" Woods said still clinging onto the paper.

I walked out of the room trying to figure out everything that had happened in that short space of time. He was singing, which I wasn't aware he could do, he wrote a song, which again I wasn't aware he could do, and then he grabbed onto that paper like it was precious gold and I was a massive threat.

I reached into my closet and pulled out my flannel, plain black shirt and black ripped jeans. I got dressed and headed to the kitchen. Woods suddenly bolted into our bedroom and slammed the door. I hadn't got very far down the stairs and so turned around and headed to the door. It was slammed shut and when I pushed on it, it wouldn't open. Woods had presumably sat in front of it or placed something in front of it.

"Woods?"
"Go away"
"What's wrong?"
"Go away!" He shouted.
"All I want to do is help you" I said softly.
"Yeah well maybe you can't. Please just leave me alone."

I heard him begin to cry. I slid down the other side of the door and texted Matt that we would be late. He seemed pretty chill about it.

"I heard what you were singing this morning."
Woods stayed silent.
"I didn't know you could sing."
He remained silent.
"I know you're not okay so please please just talk to me."
"I hate feeling like this." He finally said. "I hate this feeling where I know I'm getting everybody down and i can't stop it." He paused again. "All I want to do is be happy, but I'm really scared of happiness because I know that when I am happy I have to come back down at some point and it will hurt more than if I just stay in the same mood."
I stayed silent, shocked at what he had said. I can't imagine being scared of happiness. Happiness is such an amazing thing and so much can bring it.
"I hate that I have to pretend to be happy all the time because I have been reminded so many times that all I ever do is get people down and i shouldn't trust anybody and that the only person who can save me is me. And I know all of that, but I just can't seem to get my head around it and do it. People day that it is so easy just to stop doing things but they don't understand how difficult it is. They say that you should stop feeling this way and just be happy and just be positive. They don't see how hard it is because they don't know what it's like to be here." He stopped. I could feel him becoming more and more upset. "I'm sorry Tanner..."

"There is no need whatsoever to say sorry to me. I asked you to talk to me and thays what you did and I'm so glad that you are."

"Its just my original problem was with something that happened a few years ago. I don't want to talk about it. Bit the problem stopped being that and it moved to people not understanding how I feel. The original problem became an answer for me. And the new problem became massive. All I think about is my own mental health and what I'm doing to other people and what everybody else thinks of me now. It's so difficult to explain that I can't help how I feel and that all I want is to be happy but it takes such a long time to and I am not giving up. But people see me being upset as giving up but it's more like I'm fighting even more. Everytime I get knocked down the more I want to fight back. Some days it is harder than others but i know that I will eventually reach a better place. Even if it's for a few minutes or days. I know I will get there eventually."

Ì didn't know what to say. "I love you"

"I love you too."