My Saviour - Tanner X Woods

Chapter 34 - Build Up

Woods' POV

Last week, Tanner proposed. This, I was not expecting at all.

In the moment, it seemed incredible. It showed he loved me. But I was so overwhelmed. I had an awful day, first waking up most unpleasantly and then Sam saw my arms. I went to my therapist and came out feeling a little better I think. But I could have been much better. But then again, I could've been so much worse. Anyways, Anything that happened that day would be better than anything else that had already happened. I thought Tanner proposing was amazing. But now the thoughts are creeping back into me. Questioning whether he did it to shut me up or whether he truly cares. 

Last time he did a speech like that, he left me. So now it just makes me seriously hesitant to talk to him in case he leaves again. I shove the thought down and try to continue my day. It's been the buzz of the office though, so I can't really get away from it. Whenever I try to talk about my work, someone brings it into the conversation somehow. It makes me wonder if I should just write all the answers on a piece of paper and hand it to anyone who asks, then I don't have to constantly re-tell each person who asks. No. That's stupid. That's so rude. I sighed. 

"Hey what's wrong?" Tanner asked, looking up from his desk.

"Oh, I'm all good. Don't worry." I smiled, looking back to my work. I thought I had gotten further than I had. I guess not. 

"Are you sure? That was a very heavy sigh. You do know you can talk to me, right? We're getting married; we need to be able to talk to each other about stuff." He had that troubled look flicker through his eyes.  He was also getting better at hiding his worry. It made me feel uneasy. 

"You don't have to hide your concern you know. I saw it. The flicker. But you hid it again when you realised I would see it, unlike anyone else." 

"I didn't actively try to hide it. I guess I know that you don't like it when people are concerned and subconsciously shifted it."

"Can I tell you something?" I asked. Tanner nodded. I hesitantly began. "Sometimes, that look of concern is warming. It makes me feel like you care. If you have concern in your eyes, it's real. You can't fake that. But when people have concern on their face and not in their eyes, I know it's not real. They may care, but it isn't strong. With you, I know it is. Sometimes it is nice. I just have to deal with the feeling when it isn't and that's okay." I smiled but keeping my head down. 

"I just don't want you to think I am pitying you. I want to help you and make sure you know I care, but I don't want to make you unhappy with the way I'm going about it. If you are, please just tell me." Tanner said reassuringly. I smiled and nodded before looking back at my computer.

Maybe it was the right decision to agree. He does care about me. I just need to stop questioning it all the time. I know he does. But my head often tells me he doesn't. It's terrifying to know that sometimes, love breaks. I don't want ours to.

Tanner stood up and walked over to me slowly. He gently grabbed my hand that was resting carefully on the mouse. "I know you aren't 'good' right now. So I'm going to make it my mission to make sure you are." He said. A cold shiver shot up my spine, causing me to shift in my seat a little. But soon after, it was replaced with a warm, tingling sensation in my stomach. 

It was the end of our shift now so we could leave. "Save your work and meet me in the car. I'm going to say bye to Matt." He kissed me on the cheek and skipped cheerfully upstairs. 

I saved my work and stood up, placing my chair under the desk. I grabbed my bag, threw it over my shoulder, turned off the light and left. I headed towards Sam's office to say goodbye. I knocked on the door quietly. "Come in." I slowly opened the door and she looked up, a wide smile on her face. "Hey. You leaving now?" 

"Yeah. See you tomorrow." I smiled. 

"See ya." She returned the smile and I left. 

I sat in the car and waiting patiently for Tanner. He took a little while so I decided to go through my social media for a bit while I waited. 

Eventually, I heard the door beep and out came Tanner. He was grinning massively and looked completely ecstatic. I began smiling for what felt like no reason. I didn't feel particularly happy, instead, just empty again. But it did help lift my mood a little I suppose. 

Tanner hopped into the car and started the engine without a single word. He was still smiling slightly to himself and I could almost feel the excitement and cheeriness radiating off him. Despite his clear exhilaration, he drove calmly back home. Tanner began to sing to the song that came on the radio. He nudged me a little and looked at me like I was offending him. "Come on! Sing!" He laughed and continued singing. He nudged me again and sang at me as he danced a little. I began to join in with him, a gigantic smile grew on his face. 

The time very quickly passed and before I knew it, we were back at my place. 

We slowly climbed out the car, stretching our legs out a little. I headed to the front door and unlocked it slowly, not really wanting to enter. I felt a hand gently grab mine. "It's okay, I'm here." I looked over and saw Tanner stood by my side. He smiled and looked inside my house. "Now come on. The sooner we get your stuff, the sooner you can leave." He stepped inside and pulled my hand gently. I hesitantly walked through the door. I looked around slowly. 

"So what are we actually doing here?" I asked. 

"Do you wanna move into mine. Like... properly?" 

"I mean... I guess so." I felt a weird tingling sensation in my stomach. 

"You don't have to. It's okay if you don't." 

"No, no. I do. I just... I don't know... I guess I will miss this place. It's seen so much. Good and bad. I don't know how to feel about leaving it all behind." I sighed. 

"I understand. But maybe this can be a fresh start. New life. No? A chance to start over. We will get there together." He smiled again. He really wanted this. I didn't want to let him down. 

"Okay. I'll move out into your place full time." I said firmly, trying to hide my fear. 

"Yay!" Tanner jumped up and pulled me in for a hug. I hugged him back. 

"Let's go pack. But first I need to make a call." Tanner patted my bag and smiled.

I headed upstairs, looking around at my room. I knew this would be one of the last times I would see it. In a sudden outburst of tears, I let my body fall to the floor and crumble into a mess. I quietly cried to myself as memories flooded through my mind. I heard Tanner open the door downstairs. I sat up quickly and wiped my tear stained cheeks. 

"Hey. Wait, no no no." He walked over to me and sat by my side, placing his arm around my shoulder and pulling my head to his body. "If you don't want to do this you don't have to. I'm not going to be mad or upset with you. I understand that this place has been the only thing that's been constant in your life. The only thing that's always been there for you when nobody else was. I get that. If you don't want to leave it, that's okay. I love you and I respect you. I'm not going to make you leave this behind if you don't want to. I felt his hand move from my shoulder and up to my hair. He ran his hands through it softly. I began to relax even more but I could feel myself becoming numb. This was not what I needed. 

"Look, I don't feel like I'm in the right place to make a decision like this right now. I'm not feeling too good today and I don't want to make this decision without much thought. Sorry." I lowered my head a little. Tanner shuffled away slightly and faced me. He gently cupped my chin and lifted it a little.

"No, don't do that. Don't apologise. When you apologise, it makes it sound like you've done something wrong and you haven't. You really haven't. Now I'm taking you out somewhere and you can't stop me." He poked me almost like a petulant child would its parent. "Come on." 

Somewhere between him saying that and the chaos in my mind, Tanner had stood up and now had his hand hanging in the air, waiting a little impatiently for me to take it. I grabbed his hand gently and he pulled me up forcefully, causing me to fall forwards onto him, nearly knocking us both back down to the floor. Our noses brushed together and we were so close. I could feel his breath on my lips. He held my waist and placed a soft kiss on my forehead before swiftly grabbing my hand again and dragging me to his car. 

"We're going on the best date of your life."