My Saviour - Tanner X Woods

Chapter 16 - A Stupid Mistake

Tanners POV

Woods drove me home last night from the hospital. It took hours to get home. We weren't meant to come home, we were meant to spend another night away but Matt decided it would be best to get me home.

I woke up with Woods still curled up in my arms. His body heat keeping me warm. I didn't want to move and disturb him but I wanted to make breakfast. We had to get to work early this morning. I moved my arms from around his waist and slowly shuffled across and out of bed. I slipped my night gown on and headed downstairs. I collected everything I needed to make breakfast. I turned the radio on so there was some noise. Usually Cassie would be wandering around and so she would make a noise, but she was still at Joeys.

I began to sing very passionately into the spatula as I cooked breakfast. So passionately, that I woke Woods up. I was dancing my way around the kitchen, sliding around on the wooden floor and dramatically wiggling to the music. It was so much fun and I ended up out of breathe in the end. As the song finished, I heard a small laugh from behind me. I turned to see a tired looking Woods leaning on the counter top with a wide smile on his face. "Having fun?" I laughed obnoxiously. I didn't particularly realise I was doing it until the end. "Yeah" I grinned.

I turned the radio down and went back to cooking normally. "What are we eating?" Woods asked curiously. I smiled and moved out of the way so he could see. "Bacon and eggs." I stated. His face lit up and his eyes filled with childlike joy and excitement. "Bacon!!"

He went and sat down on the sofa and started flicking through his phone. I plated the food and took it over to him. I sat down next to him and we began to eat. "So who was that guy then?" I asked. Woods' face dropped. I knew it was clearly a difficult topic. "Can we just forget about him? I don't want to think about him." He lowered his head a little and started just pushing the food around on his plate. I nodded. He continued to mess with the food. "If you don't want it, you don't have to have it." I told him. He stood up and walked into the kitchen and slammed it on the side. I was a little confused but I left him to it. "I will have it later." He walked upstairs and I heard the bedroom door close.

Once I had eaten, I washed the dishes and placed his food in the bin. I knew he wouldn't eat it later and it would be gross anyways by then. Once I had sorted out the kitchen, I headed upstairs quietly. I heard Woods singing again.

"Some days I'm up, Some days I'm down, Some days the world is way to loud. Some days my bed won't let me out but I'm okay with missing out on the social anxiety, out on the phoney friends I don't need, so I just, turn off my phone turn on TV, cause solo's the only way I can breathe.." I entered my room and got changed, listening to Woods singing in the room opposite. I loved the sound of his voice, It was just so soothing for some reason.

I heard him slowly get quieter and finish the song. I headed over to his room and saw him sat by the keyboard again. "Hey" I said quietly. He snapped his head around quickly to look at me. He shuffled around a little. "Sorry about storming off, It's just that I don't want to talk about him. I just want to forget everything about him and make it all go away. Sorry I took it out on you." He said as he lowered his head a little. I walked and sat on the floor by his side. "It's okay. We all have to take it out on somebody and that happened to be me, I understand. They say we take it out on the ones we love so I'm grateful I guess." I chuckled a little. He gave me a small smile. "Right come on, we need to get to work. Go and get changed and we can go." He stood up and walked out. I sat on the floor for a little longer just thinking about everything.

I was becoming a bit more unstable since Woods came around. My self esteem had dipped again and I could feel my overall outlook on life seem more negative. I love him to pieces but he is just so negative.

He came out of our room and headed into the bathroom. I headed downstairs and packed my stuff for work. When I was all sorted, I sat on the sofa and flicked through my social media.

A few minutes passed and Woods came downstairs with his bag on his back. "You ready?" He nodded and I stood up and grabbed the keys before heading out. We got into the car and headed to work. There was very little conversation for the entire journey. It did feel a little tense for some reason.

"Tanner I need to tell you something." He said. His hands were hidden up his sleeves and he was shaking. I knew something was wrong. His eyes seemed to have lost that small glint of happiness he had. "Last night... When you had gone to bed... I felt really bad. All day at hospital I was constantly blaming myself for everything that had happened, then I saw Jamie and all those memories were thrown in my face, just as I was beginning to believe it wasn't my fault. It was a mistake and a stupid one at that but..." he couldn't say it. I didn't want to push him. He always seemed to turn to it whenever anything bad happened. "You harmed didn't you.."

He placed his head in his hands and began to cry. I placed my hand on his leg to comfort him. The rest of the drive was silent. The hum of the engine and the slight buzz of the radio was the only sounds we heard.

When we arrived at work, Woods had stopped crying and seemed to have calmed down again. I headed over towards red base beicase I needed to speak with J-Fred about Cassie. Woods headed to blue base.

Woods' POV
We arrived at work and Tanner headed to red base. As I reached blue base I felt my breathing shift. I had a sudden wave of intense guilt wash over me and I couldn't breathe properly. I stumbled into blue base and slid my hand across the wall to keep myself upright and slowly guided my way towards the toilet. My vision was blurred and everything was swaying. I couldn't see anything properly at all.

When I reached the toilet, I slowly opened the door and walked in, leaving the light switched off so nobody could see me. I collapsed on the floor and couldn't move. I used to have panic attacks daily and I would listen to my music but they cut down and I began to find other methods. Counting the seconds using my watch until I felt better, tapping out a song, listing all of the things I could feel, see, smell and hear. It was helpful but I couldn't see anything right now and so I couldn't tell if it was making everything worse or not.

I just laid helplessly on the floor waiting for it all to pass.