My Saviour - Tanner X Woods

Chapter 36 - Honesty

Woods' POV

A ball of excitement was festering away within me. I'm not sure where it came from, or how it appeared, but it seems like its a good feeling. 

We followed closely behind Roger as he took us to the rooms. We arrived outside of four doors, all oak panelled with two large black hinges that stretched a third of the way across each door. I loved the style of this place. 

The man opened the first door and stepped in. Tanner and I followed in behind him and looked around. A king-sized, four-poster bed sat against the chimney breast, lights much like the ones outside, wrapped delicately around each post. A small unit sat on each side of the bed, upon them, a candle and a neatly folded towel. It was a relatively large room. But it was really warm and cosy. It was perfect. 

"This one will do us thankyou." I smiled kindly to the man. 

"Are you sure? You can take a look at the other rooms too if you like." He returned the smile. 

"This is perfect, thankyou." I commented. He stood down a little. 

"Alright. I will leave you two to it. Have a good night." He slowly walked out, closing the door behind him.

I squealed a little with excitement. How is this place even real?! I asked myself. 

We began to get ready for bed. We unpacked some of our stuff ready for the morning and climbed under the covers. Tanner laid flat on his back and I wrapped myself around him and hugged him closely. "I love you, you know that right?" I whispered in his ear. A light blush formed on his cheeks.

"As do I love you, Woods." He smiled and stared up at the ceiling.

"What did you think of me when you first met me?" I asked.

"When I first noticed you, I saw that you were watching me from the other side of the cafe. You seemed... innocent? I'm not sure that's the right word, but you just had something about you that made me feel like I had to talk to you. Something in my head just screamed that I needed to get to know you. And I'm so glad I did." He grabbed my hand gently and placed our interlinked hands on his chest.

"I wasn't expecting any of what you had been through because you seemed content. I guess I got that wrong. But when I found out about everything you had been through, I soon realised that you built your walls a lot higher than anyone I had seen before. I wanted to be the person to break them down a little so I could see the you behind your protective barrier; and I guess it worked, I mean, look where we are now. If someone had told me that we would be in a random Inn somewhere, cuddling and discussing our life choices and having mini existential crisis' I would have laughed in their face. But I really am so thankful that I met you that day and we are so close now. You make me feel so warm when you hug me, you make me feel like I'm doing some good and I'm a safe place for you. That is amazing to me. You trust me. That is the best thing I have ever felt."

I blushed heavily and grinned. I felt like such an idiot but right now I didnt care. He was right. I do trust him and he is my safe place. The only way that I can be at home is if I'm with him. My parents always taught me not to rely on others for happiness, but what if I cant find happiness in anything but others. Tanner is certainly no expectation. He is the epitome of my happiness. He is perfection in my eyes. His so called flaws seem to be what makes him perfect.

I felt his body fall heavy underneath me. I kissed his forehead and snuggled into his neck, slowly closing my eyes.

-Timeskip-
Shuffling. That is what I woke to.

"Sorryyyy, I didnt mean to wake you. I was going to get ready. I'm really sorry, you can go back to sleep if you can." Tanner apologised.

"Hey, it's okay." I rolled over a little bit so he could move. "What time is it?" I said, beginning to yawn.

Tanner looked down at his watch. "9:30."

"I'm going to get up then. I'm trying to wake up earlier so I might feel a little bit better. Whether it works or not is something else but we shall see." Tanner chuckled a little at my last comment.

I slowly got up and began getting ready with Tanner. I changed into my black dungarees and grey shirt. I grabbed a hoodie in case I needed it. I highly doubted I would, but just in case.

As we got ready, I began to notice that I didnt feel right. Last night was so amazing and i guess it's taken its toll on me this morning and I've crashed.

And it started once again. The emptiness. The face I can never forget no matter how hard I try.

I spend a short while feeling something. Whether that be intense happiness or sadness or something inbetween. But then I reach a point where emotions just seem to fade away. I feel so much so it slowly takes it away.

It feels like I'm watching the life drain out of something. Watching the final breaths before silence falls.

The heart beat stops.

The room is filled with inexplicable silence. No one says a word. But there may be a gentle sob in the background, but it is barely heard over the screaming silence and sorrow that bellows through the walls.

It's the echo of emotion. You sit, nothing in your head. Unable to function. The heavy weight on your already weak body, becoming even heavier. You feel each bone in your body slowly breaking from head to toe. But you cant move. You cant lift the weight. You just have to feel each bone slowly fall apart.

But someone comes along with a crane. They arent aware that what you were holding was heavy. They arent aware that most of your bones are severely damaged. They arent aware of any of it. They just lift the weight with no thought. But you feel better. And those bones seem to begin to heal. You start to notice your body getting stronger.

But then they leave. The weight drops. You are back with the heaviness. Your bones that were healing were completely broken. And now there is even more damage. But still, they aren tr aware. It's a constant reminder that nobody sticks around. They have their own lives. They cant lift your weight all the time. They need to be else where. Because you are one tiny spec of a gigantic picture.

Scott. Why was he in my head again. I wanted to believe I could erase all of my memories of him, but knew I couldn't. I guess hes back in my head again. Why is it that I always fall back to this? I seem to long for him to be here. It's just the loneliness. I know that.

"Hey, You alright?" Tanner waved his hands in front of my face, snapping me out of the heavy daze I had no clue I was in.

"Yeah yeah. I'm just really tired." I smiled to cover the emptiness.

"Ah yeah, fair enough." He continued changing. He believed me. I hate that. But I cant expect him to notice everytime I lie and I try to cover it. The point of trying to cover it is so he cant see it and i then feel bad about myself when he cant see it. Why? Maybe I am just after attention. ARGH. SHUTUP.

I will get through this day and i will be okay. I walked over to Tanner who had changed into his blue Jean's with large holes ripped in the knee area. Classic Tanner. I embraced him in a very tight hug. Feeling his arms wrap around my waste was amazing. All of the chaos soothed a little. I wish I could stay here all day..