My Saviour - Tanner X Woods

Chapter 28 - Goodbye Hi5

Woods' POV

I slowly stood up and headed inside. I went back to Paul's office. "Hey. Everything is sorted now." I smiled. "I'm going to go back to my room if that's okay." Paul nodded and smiled slightly. 

As I walked towards my room, I felt like the walls were closing in on me. My anxiety was kicking in now. I felt my legs become weak and wobble beneath my body. I didn't know what to do. I stumbled into me room and clicked the door shut. I packed up my stuff into my bag and slipped downstairs without Paul noticing. I found a piece of paper and wrote him a letter. 

"Hey Paul. Thank you for taking me in whilst Tanner got himself sorted. I am really grateful. I've left you some rent money. I didn't expect to be allowed to stay for free but I wanted to contribute. I hope this helps. 

Please take care of yourself and everybody at the office. They are a good bunch of people and I care so much about them. Please tell them I love them and I'm sorry. I know I probably can't say that because I've only known them for a few weeks but I will anyway. You all made me feel so welcome and I loved my time there.

Sorry. 

-Woodland Demars."

I folded the note in half and wrote Paul's name on the front and placed it on the table in the kitchen. I quietly opened the front door and said my final farewell to the house. I got into my car and texted Tanner. 

"Hey Tanman. I'm sorry. I love you so much. Please forgive me. This wasn't your fault, I promise. Sorry for letting you down. Xx" 

I started the engine and drove away slowly. I turned my music on and began to sing along. I wanted to have a good time before it was all over. I decided this was the best way. 

"And I'll be heeerrrreee arms open, but you made it cleaaarrr that you're not coming. So i'll need more than one drink to, get over you, and I know it's not the right way to go but, I don't know how to handle my emotions." I sang obnoxiously. I instantly began to feel better. I tried to do the little actions that me and Scott had made up when we were going on holiday. I was grinning to myself remembering the amazing amounts of fun and laughter Scott and I used to share. Now it's just a memory. It doesn't even feel real to me anymore. 

I felt the wave of emptiness cascade over me again, slowly retaking control of my mind. I hated this feeling of helplessness. When I felt like this, nothing could shift it. It just slowly faded out for a little bit before quickly rushing back into me when it feels I'm getting a little too cheerful. It was awful. I couldn't stop it. I would try and throw myself into my work to distract myself from it but I feel all the energy rapidly drain from my body and I am left empty.

I spent the rest of the drive in silence. I didn't want to risk being in a better mood if I was just going to fall to pieces at the end. I just stayed silent and continued driving. 

After a few pain staking hours, I reached the shit hole I called my house. This place was no home to me. No warmth radiated from it. No comfort. No safety. Just an endless pit of despair. I looked up at the place. A large white house, a small garage underneath my bedroom and a porch area over the front door. I stood in the porch for a few moments and took a deep breath before unlocking the door opening it slowly. What I saw was a massive surprise. Everything was clean. No clothes thrown across the floor. No pots and pans stacked across the counter tops. Just cleanliness. 

I completely forgot Tanner and I had been here. I forgot he cleaned up. He did all of this...for me... I felt the guilt wave over me. It was painful. 

I tried to move past that and headed upstairs to my bedroom. I saw my notepad laid on my desk. I walked over to it and slowly opened it. One of the pages was a letter written for Scott. I forgot about this. I had been away from this place for so long. The rooms were cold and dust was settling. It was really weird. 

As I looked at the letter, I noticed the page was a little torn and one corner was folded over. Somebody had read it... The only person who had been here was Tanner. He was the one who cleaned this place up. He saw this. He thinks I'm insane. Suicide notes dotted around my room. Fuck. 

I read it through. No matter how hurt I was by him, I still wrote a really nice, loving letter for him. It made me feel sick. I ran into the bathroom and sat by the toilet. I felt my phone buzzing continuously in my pocket. I looked and saw I was being inundated with messages and missed calls from Tanner, Paul and Matt. I turned my phone off and tossed it away before I felt bad for what I was about to do. 

I stood up from beside the toilet and headed back into my room. I sat at my desk and placed the notepad in front of me. I grabbed a pen and turned to a new page. As I put the pen to the paper, I forgot everything I wanted to say. My sentences jumbled up into incomprehensible strings of words. I ripped the piece of paper out of the book angrily. I slammed the pen down and stormed downstairs.

I grabbed my car keys and got into my car. I started the engine and began to drive. I needed to be away from my place. I drove to my favourite spot of all time. My sister and I used to go there all the time together. We would just sit and relax. It was the one place we could go and nobody knew where we were. We had no connections to anybody else. Just ourselves. It was the best feeling ever. When she died, It was the first place I went. I placed flowers where we used to sit on the bank by the river. It was so tranquil. 

I wasn't all that close to my dad. We certainly had our differences. I think it didn't sit right with him that he had a gay son. Whenever Amber and I talked about guys together, he seemed less than impressed.

I shook the thought from my mind. I sat quietly thinking about everything. My mind was so loud. The urge to jump into the river was so strong. Nobody would have to see my body and they wouldn't know if I was dead or not.

I pushed the thoughts from my mind and slowly walked back to my car. I started the engine and drove to my house.

When I finally got home, I walked up to the door. I knew it would be the last time I did it. Each step was slower than the last until I reached the door. I pushed my key into the lock and slowly turned it. There was no click. I must have forgotten to lock the door again.

I slowly pushed down the door handle when the door flew open. I was grabbed by a tall brown haired figure. They pulled me into their arms and kept me that way for about a minute. I was terrified. My entire body was tense and I couldn't breathe.

The figure pulled away and I looked up to examine their face.

It was Scott...