Untimely Love

Chapter 21-Jade

It's Sunday morning and since Thanksgiving Leo's been distant. We spent all weekend together and I thought we were happy but he keeps pulling himself away from me. I woke up this morning and felt cold and alone in his bed. He got up without kissing me good morning and apparently went running. I woke up and went downstairs to find him, only to find Taylor and Carlie asleep on the couch and Gabe and Kara at the table eating breakfast. "Morning guys, have you seen Leo?" "Yeah, I saw him leave in his running shoes" Gabe says going back to reading a magazine. "Did he leave without saying good bye to you this morning" Kara asks. Not sure how to handle this I play it cool "I think he did but I was half asleep. No worries. I'm going to go shower." I walk up the stairs and I'm confused at this point. Why has he been pulling away from me? Did something happen at Coach's house before I came in the room?

I'm almost done my shower when I hear the bedroom door close. "Hey babe, come join me?" I shout. He walks in the bathroom "No, it's okay. I'll wait till you're finished." When has he ever refused to shower with me? I turn the showerhead off and step onto the bathroom rug and wrap a towel around my body. He's already out of the bathroom so I quickly brush through my hair and walk into the bedroom. He's striping out of this sweaty running clothes and I'm truly annoyed at this point "Why are you so distant from me?" He continues to strip and throw is dirty clothes in his hamper. "I'm not distant." But he doesn't convince me. "You barely have touched me since Thanksgiving and we haven't laughed or even bickered like normal." He stops in his tracks, only wearing boxers at this point. "I've been doing some thinking." What the fuck does that mean? "What the hell does that mean?" I shout. "I've been thinking how we have 3 weeks left until winter break, how I have two more games until the season begins, and how I need to focus and really train during this time."

My mouth drops open and my eyebrows fury. "So are you saying you don't want to see me anymore?" "I don't know" he says. My eyes begin to water and I'm trying so hard not to lose my shit. I feel like my heart is cracking. "It's not a hard question Leo. Either you want me around or you don't?" He looks down at his feet and then looks into my eyes. "I just feel like I've been so distracted. I feel like I owe coach, my mom, my teammates everything. I just feel like I need to give 100% of my time and effort on this." Damn he just keeps twisting the knife. "So I'm a distraction...not someone you love" I yell. He doesn't respond. I drop my towel and quickly shimmy on yoga pants and a tank top. "You're right..." He looks surprised by my outburst. "You're a distraction and this whole thing..." I signal between the two of us "Its complete bullshit." I grab my bag and start throwing items in it as if I'm cleaning out my locker. He grabs my arm "It's not bullshit Jade...I just need to focus on everything else right now." I twist out of his grip. I'm so angry right now and broken I just start vomiting up words. "This is bullshit. I'm busy with things too, I have things to do...you don't think I don't have goals that I'm working towards. I thought we were happy. But I get it... I'm just a quick fling just like all the other girls you fucked. You probably said stupid shit like you loved them too." I suddenly feel tension in the room and I feel like I hit a mark. Fucking good! "Jade, you didn't even want to be with me in the first place." What the hell kind of response is that? "What the hell are you talking about? Ugh...Yeah know its fine...I get it. You're done. So I guess I'm fucking done too." I grab my bag and head for the door. "Jade" he yells. I don't look back I open the door and say "Fuck you, I'm done." And slam the door behind me.

I run down the stairs taking two at a time. Gabe and Kara come running in from the kitchen. They probably heard us yelling. Tears are soaking my cheeks. "Girl, what's wrong?" Kara says trying to reach for me. "I'm fucking stupid, that's what...I don't mean shit to him...So I'm fucking done." Kara tries to stop me from leaving to find out what's happening but I rush past her and slam the front door behind me. My sobs are uncontrollable now and I head for my car. I don't know how I made it to our apartment but I do. I slam the front door behind me, along with my bedroom door. I fall to my knees and scream my lungs out. I feel utterly broken. I almost feel ruined. But somehow I pick myself up from the floor and head to the kitchen where I know we have a few liquor bottles. Against my better judgment I grab a bottle of vodka and start chugging. I can imagine if anyone walked in and saw me that they would think I look like an alcoholic. I'm sitting on the floor, covered in tears, and flushed with anger. I chug the bottle in a matter of minutes and knowing my body, the alcohol will hit me shortly. I wobbly stand up and make my way to my room. I put the bottle on the nightstand and lay on my side on the bed. I start sobbing again thinking about how much I miss my mom and how I let myself get distracted with all this bullshit. I cry myself to sleep and hope that I'll feel better tomorrow.