Wonderland // McFly

Never Know What You're Gonna Say

December 1, 2014

As soon as I was accepted, I knew I was going to go to Baltimore. But telling everyone about anything was something I continued to put off.

I had to leave on December 15th in order to be in Baltimore in time to start the Paramedic Program in the new year, which meant I really had to start telling everyone I was leaving. First off was the most important. Fletch.

I decided today would be the best time to tell Fletch. Not only was this because I only had two weeks left, but because today was the day the McBusted album was coming out. After this, things would get really busy with rehearsals and press...and then tour. But I wouldn't be around by that point.

"Hey Kid." Fletch said opening the door. "What are you doing here?" I felt myself starting to get nervous. On the way over I wasn't at all. I convinced myself I would be fine. But now, seeing Fletch standing in his doorway in front of me just like he had the day he hired me, I felt utterly destroyed.

"Hey." I smile weakly. "I really need to talk to you...are you busy?"

"No, no. Come in." He said, opening the door. "You can go to the living room. I'll be in in a second. Can I get you some tea or something?"

"No, I'm okay. Thanks." I say, as we part ways.

I take a seat on the sofa, wringing the skin on my hands nervously until it was red.

"Alright." I hear Fletch as he sits next to me on the couch. "What's up?"

As soon as he asked me, I felt like the wind was knocked out of me.

"I...well...uh." I start. My throat feels like it's closing and my face gets warm. I take my hands, still cold from the December air on the walk over, and press them to my now pink cheeks. Something that sounds like a soft sob escapes from me uncontrollably, even though I'm not crying.

"Hey, it's alright." Fletch says, putting a comforting hand on my arm. "Whatever it is we'll work it out." I look over at him, still feeling worried. Come on. It's just Fletch. This isn't even the difficult one. "Listen," he continues, "I'm gonna go get you a glass of water and when I come back we'll talk about this, okay?" I nod, and he gets up.

I can't hide it any longer. That's not fair to any of them. I have to do this.

When Fletch got back, I thanked him for the water and took a few sips.

"Alright." He says. "Now what's going on, Lilly?" I look at him again, hesitant. "Okay, you've left me no choice. I'm just gonna ask it...did you get knocked up?"

"What? No!"

"Well then it can't be that bad, can it?" Fletch laughs

"I..." I look up at him. "I've never really done this before, so I'm not exactly sure how it works...but...I'm putting in my notice...of resignation." His face goes from concern to confusion.

"You're...quitting?"

"Well...in two weeks." I say. Fletch sighs, looking at the floor for a while and then looking back up at me.

"Is...is it the pay?" He asks.

"No, no, not at all." I say.

"Then why? I mean...I didn't know you were looking for another job-" Fletch says.

"I wasn't. I got accepted into this program...in Baltimore."

"America?" Fletch asks in disbelief. I nod.

"A paramedic program. I'll be able to learn how to save lives everyday." I say.

"Well. You already saved one life." Fletch laughs, motioning to himself. I can't help but smile at his awful joke. Then both our smiles fade.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Kid." Fletch shakes his head. "You're ambitious as hell...and you're 27. I'm surprised I was able to keep you roped in to the job this long."

"It was my pleasure." I smile weakly.

"But this medic-thing...it's something you've gotta do. Even I know that." He says seriously. Then there's a pause.

"I'm really scared, Fletch."

"Yeah...but you can't be more scared than you were getting a job for me. This time you don't have to lie at all." He says. "They chose you...they want you there."

"Yeah. I know." I say, still feeling unconfident. Fletch must notice.

"Lilly, listen to me. If you go and things go really bad, god forbid, then give me a call and I will get you on the first flight back here. But if you call and you want to come back just because you're scared...I won't let you get on that flight on your own terms." He laughs, but I know he means it.

"I leave right after the first show on tour." I say. Fletch's face suddenly fills with the most fear I've ever seen and he puts his head in his hands, sighing.

"Shit. Shit, that's bad."

"I know."

"That sucks."

"I know."

"But you have to tell them." He says, taking his head out of his hands and calming a little. "They may play bad that night but...they'd absolutely lose the plot if you were here one day and gone the next."

"Yeah...but that's how it's gonna be, innit?" I ask. Fletch nods solemnly.

"Unfortunately...that is how it's gonna be."

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