Wonderland // McFly

Hum Yourself a Lullaby

February 20, 2011

I didn't sleep at all last night. 

After getting back from the Priory and having the horrific and painfully realistic nightmare, I tried to calm myself down by going about my normal morning routine. When it came time to go to sleep, however, it seemed no matter how tired I felt, my eyes just wouldn't allow themselves to close. 

Today Fletch and I were accompanying Danny, Tom and Harry to a radio interview, and after Tom and I were going to visit Dougie. 

Even though the boys had only done a few interviews without their bassist, people were starting to get skeptical. Many papers and fans were spreading rumors about Dougie leaving McFly. 

On top of all that, the boys had a new single coming out in two weeks that they would have to promote as a trio. 

I was glad today was a radio interview day. Whenever the boys were on TV, especially live TV, I would get scared their faces would give away that Dougie wasn't truly ill with the flu. I don't know why I didn't have faith. The boys where very good actors, and, above all, they were very good at protecting each other. 

Fletch and I were pressed against the wall inside the booth where the boys were doing their radio interview. They were all sat around a table. Before they got into the questions portion, they had to do an pre recorded intro. 

"Hi we're McFly!" The three boys all said enthusiastically into their microphones. 

"Join us, McFly,  this Monday on KFM with Webster." Harry said. 

"Excellent!" Webster starts, after playing a song. "I'm here with McFly, boys, how are you all?" All the boys echo 'good' into their microphones. "Wonderful." Webster smiles. "So, boys, I've been loving this album. It's definitely more on the mature side. So, my question is, how is it different writing songs like these ones to writing songs when you were younger?" 

"The process is basically the same." Tom starts. "Usually one of us will start writing a song because we'll just get a random idea, and we'll bring it to the others who will help us finish it. Sometimes, if we like it, we'll record it and then decide if we want to use it, or if we don't like it we won't waste time recording it. But as for the themes of the songs, you know...when you get older things in your life change and we always write on real experiences so as our life experiences change, so do our songs."

"Wonderful." Webster says. "Now obviously you boys have been doing this for a long time, and from all your experience playing shows, what are your favorite types of shows to play? Because I know some artists like smaller acoustic sets, and others like larger audiences so I was wondering, what's McFly's preference?"

"I'd say for me, I like big venues like arenas." Danny says. 

"Yeah I'd agree." Tom nods at Danny. "We always try and make the tours as big as possible, especially the arenas because, you know, it's your one chance to really put on a show and perform because everything is at a much bigger scale." 

"Yeah." Harry says. "With arenas the crowds are so much louder and, not that it matters much for me, but the stages are bigger so it's easier to get the fans riled up." 

"Lovely! Now, boys, before we move on, I have to ask, have we got all four of you?" Webster asks, even though  he knows the answer. 

I could've punched him in the throat. 

"Um, we're missing Dougie." Tom replies. 

"You know, everyone keeps asking where Dougie is." Harry buts in, before being asked about the rumors. Harry liked to answer questions on his own terms. "Dougie's ill, and honestly, Dougie- I think if any of us were to leave Dougie's the last person that would leave." Tom starts to laugh. 

Dougie's attitude toward McFly had changed since going into the Priory. It's almost as if he didn't know what he had until he lost it. Still, Harry didn't know what Dougie had said on the porch that night a year ago to Tom. 

Or did he? 

*******************************

Trying to keep my eyes open became painful as Tom and I were walking into the Priory after press, but I was still happy to see Dougie. 

I stopped walking just before Tom and I reached the door. 

"Tom." I say, and he stops, turning to me. 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you know what Dougie said to Harry the night we got in a car accident?" I ask. Tom shakes his head. 

"No. But that was so long ago. It's probably irrelevant now." Tom says. But the car accident wasn't that long ago, and considering Dougie's state, it might not be irrelevant. But I wasn't going to bother Tom if he didn't know. 

"Do you know...how Dougie...you know." I say, hoping Tom will catch on, but he raises his eyebrow, telling me otherwise. "Tried to kill himself?" I finish quietly. I know it's an awful question, and I know my reasoning was selfish, but because I was thinking about it so much last night instead of sleeping, I'm hoping the closure will help me be able to sleep tonight. Tom nods. 

"Yes." He states simply. I pause. 

"How?" Another pause. 

"Carbon monoxide poisoning." He says."He hooked up a hose to the exhaust pipe of his car and then put it in the driver's window. And then...you know...sat in the car." That wasn't what I was expecting. 

"Did he...change his mind?" I ask. "Like, halfway through, or something?" I can feel my face scrunching up uncomfortably. Tom shakes his head. 

"No." He says. 

"Then how is he-" I start, but Tom just keeps shaking his head and shrugs. 

"He doesn't know." 

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