Wonderland // McFly

Sell My Soul to the Devil

September 30, 2005

The first thing I heard when I woke up this morning was Harry's voice in my head.

"Don't hurt him. You won't know if he's breaking."

Or at least, I hope the voice was in my head, because I was still at the band house.

I turned on my side and saw that the clock read 7:00 AM. To my other side, the bed was empty.

I had to take my chance and go downstairs to find Dougie, even if that meant possibly running into the other boys. I picked up the clothes Dougie gave me last night off the floor and put them back on.

I practically ran down the stairs. Why did I do this? Why did I use Dougie?

I found him immediately, in the kitchen, and let out a breath of relief.

"You don't have to worry. None of them are awake." He said, casually.

"Dougie I..."

"Lilly, it's fine." He says.

"No...it's not." I say. "I don't want you to be my rebound."

"I'm okay with it. Do you know how many times I've used girls because I was upset or something?" He asks, with a smile.

"That doesn't mean it should happen to you." I say.

"At least it was with you and not some random girl." He says.

"Dougie...I'm your manager." I say.

"Yeah?" He asks. "So? I thought we were just planning of never speaking of this again."

"Well...I..." I definitely had thought about it, but the idea seemed rude.

"Listen, Lil." He said, walking towards me. "Last night? I got laid by some random bird...no clue who...I was too drunk to care. You and me? We're best friends...client and manager. That's all we'll ever be." He says. I nod, but I still feel incredibly guilt ridden.

I put my hand on Dougie's cheek. Maybe this was all a game. Maybe this was exactly what Harry warned me about. He's breaking and not showing me. He's telling me and reassuring me that everything is going to be fine...because he cares more about the feelings of others, than his own feelings.

"Are you okay?" I ask. He laughs slightly.

"Are you?" He says. "Jeez, Lil! You're the one that got cheated on." He says. But it didn't really matter.

"Liam is the least of my concerns anymore. I'm much too busy for a boyfriend anyways." I laugh, stepping away from him.

"Don't worry about it. Don't worry about him. Don't worry about me." He smiles. I nod.

Maybe Harry was right. Maybe Dougie was breaking, but what could I do if I don't know? All I can do is accept the mistake I've made and hope Dougie is okay.

"Dougie?" I hear from the stairs and quickly turn, just before Harry makes his way into the kitchen. He rubs his eyes. "Lilly?"

"Hi." I say.

"Did you stay here last night?" He asks.

"Yes...yes I did." I say.

"What about your date with your boyfriend?" Harry asks.

"He's not my boyfriend." I say.

"What?" Harry asks, as if he's woken up in an alternate dimension.

"He cheated on me." I say.

"Told you he was a prick." Harry says, walking closer to us.

"Harry!" Dougie scolds.

"I'm just saying what we're all thinking." Harry laughs.

"Yeah." I say. I'm not really hung up on Liam. I don't know whether it was because I didn't really like him, or because of last night's events, but whatever it is, I'm glad.

"Where did you sleep last night, Dougie?" Harry asks. Oh no...he knows.

"Why do you ask?" Dougie asks.

"Because I went in your room looking for you this morning and the bed wasn't turned down. Why are you acting so nervous?" He asks.

"I slept in the chair in the extra bedroom. I fell asleep there. I was worried about Lilly. And I'm not acting nervous." He says.

"Alright, calm down mate." Harry says. "Glad you're okay, Lil...really."

"Thanks, Haz." I smile. "Well, I should probably be on my way." I say.

"What about Tom taking you back?" Dougie asks.

"I'm just going to take the tube." I say.

"Don't do that." He says. "Stay...Fletch is coming around in a bit anyways. Says he has news."

"Okay." I say, not wanting to argue with Dougie anymore, even though I just wanted to go home and sleep all day.

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I don't know why Dougie and I didn't feel awkward around each other after last night, but I was glad we didn't.

Fletch made his way round a couple of hours later, which gave me enough time to shower and put my dress from last night back on.

Fletch told the boys that they would be playing at the Royal Variety in November, but I was too preoccupied with my thoughts to be excited.

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