Afraid | Nikki Sixx {Remastered}

Chapter 21.

Carly's POV

My eyes fluttered open and as soon as I fully opened my eyes, I groaned. I held my head and sat up, as soon as I did, I saw that I didn't have my pants on anymore. My thigh is exposed, I still have my panties on, what's going on?

"You're finally awake." I heard Nikki say.

I jumped and looked over, Nikki's sitting on the couch, I also now realize that I'm laying in the bed in the back area of the tour bus.

"Why did you do that to yourself?" He asked.

I dry swallowed. "H-How did you find out?" I asked quietly.

"When you fell forward and I caught you, I lifted you up to take you to the tour bus, I saw blood on my hands. I didn't know where it came from and when I laid you down, I saw that the blood was coming from your right thigh. I took off your pants to see if you were okay and I saw that." He explained.

They must've opened again when I fell. I felt tears fill my eyes and I looked away from him, he knows now. He knows how unstable I am. He knows how weak I am. Any chance of us getting back to where we were before is gone now. I'm just waiting for him to leave, I know that's coming. Everyone leaves, why would he be any different?

"Carly, come on. Talk to me, why did you do that to yourself?" He asked.

I didn't answer, I can't get myself to talk. I'm embarrassed, I didn't want him to see this side of me. I didn't want anyone to know this side of me, this is the one thing I have control over in my life and I don't want it taken away from me. I really care for Nikki and now he knows that I'm weak, I'm pathetic. I marked up my body because a boy left me, I can't tell him that the reason that I did this to myself is because he walked out. he'll blame himself and I don't want him to do that, I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have.

"Babe?" He asked.

I shook my head and covered my face with my hands. I felt the bed dip, I know Nikki's right in front of me and I cant get myself to talk or look at him, I'm too ashamed. I felt his hands on my wrists and he took my hands away from my face, I quickly averted gaze.

"Why won't you talk to me or look at me?" He asked, his voice soft.

"I can't bear to." I finally said. "You're finally seeing how pathetic and weak I am and I don't know how to handle it." I said, quietly.

"You are not weak or pathetic, Carly. Why did you do this to yourself?" He asked. "Look at me, babe." He said.

I finally looked up and I met his green eyes, he looks worried. I don't know why he's worried about me, I'm nothing. I'm pathetic, I don't deserve him.

"Because I fucked everything up again, I hurt you and I didn't know how to deal with it," I replied.

As soon as I said that, guilt washed over Nikki's face. His eyes got glassy. "I caused this?" He asked quietly.

"This is why I didn't wanna tell you," I started, pausing because my throat started to get tight. Tears are threatening to spill down my cheeks. "I knew you'd blame yourself and I didn't wanna hurt you more than I already have." I said as the tears spilled down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry I hurt you, Nikki." I said weakly.

"I thought that things were going good between you and I, I thought we were on the same page. I thought that you loved me, too." He said. "Why don't you? Is it something I did?"

I shook my head and wiped the tears off my cheeks. "No, it's not you. It's something wrong with me, I'm terrified to fall in love again, the only other time I fell in love was when I was engaged and that ended so badly. I can't go through that kind of heartbreak again." I replied.

"I'm not your ex, you have to trust me when I say that I wouldn't hurt you as he did." He said.

"But, that's the thing. You have hurt me before, Nikki. How am I suppose to trust you when you flip on me at random?" I asked.

Nikki frowned. "I know how I can be, but I love you." He said.

I sighed. "Nikki..." I trailed off.

"Let me show you that I mean what I'm saying, give me a chance." He said. "Please." He added on and took my hand in his.

"Why haven't you left me yet? After seeing my thigh?" I asked.

"You haven't left me even though I'm a heroin addict. Why would I leave you when you're struggling?" He replied. "I wouldn't leave someone I love." He said.

I smiled a little. He kissed my cheek. "So, will you please let me show you?" He asked.

"Okay, fine," I replied. "What did you have in mind?" I asked.

"Well, for tonight, I'm not leaving your side. We're gonna drink, do blow and cuddle. Then, tomorrow the real date starts." He replied.

My face lit up. "We're finally going on a proper date?" I asked.

"Yes, ma'am." He replied.

I smiled wide and hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him. I nuzzled my face in his neck. He makes me feel so safe and happy, I can't even really put it into words exactly how he makes me feel, but I know for a fact that he makes me the happiest I've ever been ever in my life. I want to love him, I really do. I just need to let my walls down, it's easier said than done, though.

"I'll get you some of my sweatpants to wear and then we can start drinking." He said as we realized from our embrace.

"Sounds like a plan," I said with a smile.

(A/N: Leave your predictions for what you think will happen on the date down below! Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Please vote, it's greatly appriciated! Feedback is always welcome & encouraged! Okay, bye!)