Afraid | Nikki Sixx {Remastered}

Chapter 40.

Nikki's POV

I breathed out as I pulled the needle out of my hand. I tossed it in the trash and leaned against the wall of the bathroom, it feels like my head is exploding. I feel sick, I feel like throwing up. Sometimes, actually, most of the time, after I do this shit, I see and hear things that aren't there. I know they're fake, I know it's the drugs. I need to stop this, but I need the drugs more. The drugs make me feel insane, but they also make me feel okay. They make me forget.

"Nikki, it's Carly." I heard Carly's voice, as she opened the door to my hotel room. "I wanna talk to you, baby." She added on.

Fuck, I grabbed onto the sink and pulled myself up. As soon as I did, my face... Holy shit. Is that what I look like? I haven't really gotten a good look at my face in a while. My face is starting to look puffy? Either I'm seeing things, or it's also a little yellow? Maybe I'm just seeing things. I sighed and grabbed my shirt and tugged it back on. I unlocked the door and forced a smile.

Carly smiled wide when she saw me, she quickly walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me. I hugged her back and kissed her head.

"I've missed you," she murmured.

"Not as much as I missed you, Bambi," I said and kissed her head.

She looked up at me and her eyebrows furrowed. She touched my face. "Nikki, oh my god. Your face. It's puffy and tinted yellow." She said.

I guess it isn't just the drugs. "Hm, I didn't notice." I lied.

"Well, let's sit down. I wanna talk to you." She said.

We walked over to the bed and sat down, and held my hand and looked down, she noticed my fresh track mark and frowned.

"I wanna talk to you about getting clean, babe." She said.

I shook my head. "I don't wanna hear it," I said.

"I'm worried about you, you're wasting away." She said. "It's December, our Christmas break is coming up. It'd be our first Christmas together, the only thing I want for Christmas is for you to be clean." She added on.

"I'm fine, Carly," I said and took my hand away from hers. "I said, I do not want to hear it," I said sternly.

"Well, you have to hear it. I don't want you dying, Nikki. I'm in love with you and I want to see you healthy." She said.

I groaned loudly. "You shook up blow every fucking day and I have a problem?!" I yelled and stood up.

"It's not every day! That shows how much you've been paying attention to me." She muttered.

"Oh, so is this what this is all about? I don't give you enough attention?" I scoffed.

"You know that's not what my problem is, my problem is you already have one foot in the grave!" She exclaimed. "It's been a few months since the car accident and in that short amount of time, you've gotten worse and worse. You've lost interest in not just me, almost everything." She ranted.

"Leave me alone," I grumbled and started walking away.

"Nikki, please!" She exclaimed. She ran in front of me. "We were supposed to get married, you were supposed to propose to me, that never happened because you're drowning in drugs!" She said.

"You're pissy about me not proposing to you?! You're more worried about us getting married than my health!?" I yelled.

"Do you only hear half of what I say?! I never said that! You're twisting my words!" She exclaimed.

"I told you I didn't want to fucking hear it!" I yelled. "Why don't you ever fucking listen!?" I yelled.

"We need to talk about this stuff, you can't just ignore me!" She exclaimed.

I laughed. "I shouldn't have started this with you, you already have Daddy issues and you're always up my ass," I said.

"Don't mention my Dad." She said quietly.

"You're so afraid of me ignoring you because that's what your Dad does to you. Have you ever thought that maybe he ignores you because of how you act? Look how you're acting right now! You're obsessed with me, you drove your own Father away and now you're driving me away and you can't take it." I said bitterly. "You're trying so hard to keep me in your life when in reality all you're doing is driving me further and further away," I added on.

Carly froze completely. "You wanna play like that? Fine." She said, her voice shaking. "Why don't we talk about your Father? At least mine still comes around every so often. Where's your Dad?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Don't you fucking dare," I warned.

"He fucking left you and when you tried to reach out to him, he denied your entire existence. So, I think your Daddy issues are a lot more severe than mine." She spat.

"Carly, I'm warning you right now, stop," I said. "You're an asshole just like you're Father." I spat.

"I was about to say the same thing to you, Frank." She said, putting emphasis on the name.

I don't know what got into me but, as soon as that name left her lips. I clenched my fist and I swung, my fist nailed her right in the eye and she fell backward. She looked up at me and covered her eye. She looks shocked and she looks terrified of me.

"Carly, I'm sorry," I said and held out my hand to help her up. She shrieked when I brought my hand out. "Hey, I said I'm sorry, I'm not going to hurt you," I said.

"Fuck you!!" She yelled. She stood up and tears streamed down her face. "You fucking hit me!" She cried.

"You called me Frank!" I yelled.

"You were berating me about my Father and I didn't fucking hit you!" She sobbed. "Get away from me, you fucking monster!" She cried and pushed past me.

I turned around and watched her walk out the door, slamming it shut behind her. What the fuck is wrong with me? She cares for me, all she wanted to do was help me and I fucking hit her, I hurt her. I quickly walked back into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

I need to shoot up again and I need to right now.

(A/N: Oof! Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Please vote, it's greatly appreciated! Feedback is always welcome & encouraged! Okay bye!)