Rant book

Self Concious

I don't know if I should even rant about this since I keep these kinds of things to myself and don't like talking about it,

Not to mention that I can take care of it since I've learned how to deal with it. But maybe this might help anyone who can't handle these kinds of things by themselves, so here.

Self doubt, Self consciousness, and...ʎsnolɐǝſ

I'm pretty sure everyone has felt all three of those things in their life, if you haven't then at least you have confidence in yourself and all.

It sucks though honestly, depending on your situation.

I'll be honest though, I have felt self doubt and self conscious before with myself. I never really talk about it though and try hard to not make it obvious, if I even show it. I even ignore it.

I handle it on my own since my self doubt and me being self conscious can get a little...eh...to the point where I possibly tear up sometimes if it gets to me badly, which is embarrassing to admit..

But I take care of it and remind myself and tell myself to shut up and not to think of those things since I know that they're not true.

And that's where this kicks in either before or after self doubt and self consciousness, ʎsnolɐǝſ.

Even though I hate to admit it and it's embarrassing for me a lot, I can't just deny it. All of us have felt this feeling before. With a friend, lover, certain person, or anyone and anything. We all get snolɐǝſ with something.

I've never really been snolɐǝſ of anyone with their stuff and all since I'm not that type of person. I just feel happy for them, art styles I may be a tiny bit snolɐǝſ of. But in a good way! If I get like that..

Then it's because the person has amazing art that I like and think is way better and I just wish that I could have their style. It's nothing bad though.

But..when it comes to love and ʎsnolɐǝſ...I wouldn't necessarily say it's a problem, it's just that I need to handle myself more and stop doubting myself or getting self conscious.

Hopefully my ʎsnolɐǝſ doesn't show though or at least isn't really obvious..I think that it's stupid and even tell myself that it is, which makes me shut up.

I don't like taking my loved one away from others that they love, or have them forget happy memories that they used to have with others that I get snolɐǝſ of which is why I stay quiet with this..

And whenever I get like that with this emotion, I overthink things and that's when the self doubt and self consciousness kick in..

Like they're better than me, can do better than me, I'm not as pretty, I'm not as perfect, smart, affectionate & loving, attractive, or anything like that.

There's a little more detail to it but I wouldn't want to explain..because I can deal with it myself. Whenever this shit hits me hard, I tell myself to suck it up and to stop thinking that when I know it isn't true or anything.

What pisses me off a lot about myself is whenever I get like that I act a certain way and do my best to control myself and think through so I can stop acting that way. It eventually works, of course..

Depending on what happens too though, my feelings with ʎsnolɐǝſ can get a little out of hand on whatever happens..I may become a bit Passive ∀ƃƃɹǝssᴉʌǝ, really/a bit defensive depending on it, and maybe even a bit rude or a little upset because of doubt and stuff..I really hope that doesn't show and that I keep it to myself. If it isn't showing then I eventually get through it, again.

I guess I get like this though because of how I used to be, I shouldn't blame it on that though. I only say that because..well..my ex did take advantage of my feelings of me being jealous and my old crush beforehand would do the same and even if my old crush joked about some things with me,

They actually made me feel self conscious and always doubting myself with those things..

To anyone reading this and feels the same way and all, just know this. Don't let your feelings of ʎsnolɐǝſ get to you, alright? You know better than that. I'm sure that the person or anyone who is with you loves you and is by your side.

No need to feel doubt or self conscious when you know those thoughts aren't true. Just stand up to it and think through things, you should know very well that the person loves you.

Never doubt that. ♡