My insecurities start when my acnes begun growing. When my hair became dry all of a sudden. When I gain so much weight. I'm too stressed at work to care for my appearance. I'm too tired to give myself a makeover it deserves. Kaya eto ako ngayon, mukha ng mangkukulam sa kapal ng buhok. Sa lalim ng eyebags ko. Nakakaloka. Wala ng magkakagusto sa akin.
The only thing that I can do to escape this harsh reality is music. When I realised that I couldn't work anymore because of my appearance, I started to do a vlog. Habit ko lang ito back then, pero hindi ko alam kung bakit sobra na akong na-hook at naging passionate sa paggawa ng vlogs. Actually yung nilalaman nang mga vlogs ko ay cover ko ng mga ibat-ibang genre ng music. I love to sing and I'm thankful that I can make a living because of it.
But the thing is, naka maskara ako. I covered my eyes down to my nose. Because I'm too insecure to let my fans saw my real face. They might unsubscribed me anytime, they might bashed me whenever they want. And I can't let that happen, mababa na nga yung self-esteem ko, bababaan ko pa? So I wear mask and sing live in my videos. My fans also love it, since they love how mysterious it is.
*Ting--ting
I lazily picked up my phone. Someone messaged me, just another promo to one of my favorite shop lol. But to my surprised it's a message from Rui. He's a friend at the university and now we're workmates. The thing is I like him. But I bet he doesn't even thinking of liking me at all.
From: Rui
Siyeon-ah, let's meet at cafe xxx. Let's discuss our upcoming project. Be careful, see ya! :)
I smile. Even if we're seeing each other for the project, I can't help but to at least look forward to it. After all, only in times like this I can have him on my own. Wala namang masamang sumaya kahit panandalian lang hindi ba?
I tried to dress as good as possible. Sa pormahan na lang naman ako makakabawi, since I don't have a pretty face. Maswerte lang talaga ako dahil magaling akong manamit. I know the trendy clothes, bags and shoes. I know how to combine colors. I'm good at that, luckily.
Nauna ako sa cafe na pagkikitaan namin ni Rui. I am so nervous and I don't even know why. Hindi ako mapakali sa inuupuan ko from time to time. Until I heard a knock on a glass just beside me. And I was shocked nang makita ko si Rui doon na kanina pa pala inaagaw ang atensiyon ko. He looks cute, damn. Heart, please behave. Nang makuha na niya ang atensiyon ko, kumaway-kaway pa siya ng ilang beses bago tuluyang pumasok sa cafe.
"Hey Siyeon, how are you these days?" Bati niya agad sa akin. I greeted him with a smile.
"Okay lang naman, as usual I'm doing some work regarding our new project." Tumango-tango siya habang nilalabas yung mga drafts para sa project namin.
"Wait, you haven't order anything yet?" Biglang tanong niya sa'kin. Napa hawak tuloy ako sa batok ko ng wala sa oras.
"Hindi naman tayo magtatagal dito, we're only here to discuss the project and nothing more." Hays. Ayoko kasing umasa eh, kaya hangga't maaari I'll try to distant myself to Rui. Ayokong masyadong ma-attached. Napatingin ako kay Rui and saw his frowning face.
"Hey, we're friends aren't we? And friends do catch-up with each other, right? It's normal to spend time with each other?" I just nodded at Rui, but my mind is elsewhere. I heard him sighed kaya napatingin ako sa kanya.
"Sorry.." He look up to me and smile.
"Okay lang, don't worry. Just remember that we're friends--" Rui didn't finished his sentence when someone cut him off. An unknown girl put her hand on Rui's shoulder.
