Almost Unreal | Violentine One-Shots

Without You | Grief (Spoilers for Episode Four)

 'And there's no remedy, for memory your face is like a melody,

it won't leave my head your soul is haunting me and telling me

that everything is fine but I wish I was dead'

- Lana Del Ray, Dark Paradise

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Ever since I saw this was a possible outcome at the end of episode four, I knew I had to write about it, so here it is. 

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"I've always loved your eyes"

Violet rolls onto her side so she's facing the brunette, "that's a weird thing to say" she mutters.

"They're so green, so bright, so full of life," Clementine responds softly stroking Violet's cheek as they lie in bed together.

Violet smiles and lifts her hand to her own cheek, she grasps Clementine's hand and slowly wraps her own around it. "Your eyes are pretty too," she says.

"Not like yours though, mine are pretty but yours are memorising, I feel like I could get lost within them."

Violet shifts closer to Clementine placing her free hand around the younger girl's waist so she can pull her closer, they kiss, it's delicate and soft. It means I'm here.

"Don't ever leave me" Clementine pleads as they part, she runs her hand through Violet's hair as she speaks.

Violet pulls Clementine's hand away so she can place a kiss on the back of it. "Never" she promises.

Clementine awakes in a cold sweat, she's feverish and panting, struggling for breath as she desperately tries to hold onto her dream, watching the memory playing out in her mind dissipate like smoke on the breeze.

She wants to scream but her voice is hoarse, she tries to cry but her tears have long dried up, the emptiness she always feels when she awakens gnaws on her empty stomach. She can't eat, can't sleep, can't live her life anymore, not now that Violet is gone.

She sits up in her bed, the sheets are wrapped and contorted around her body, drenched with sweat, she's taken to sleeping in Violet's room on her bed, where the two once got to know each other, where they revealed their deepest secrets, where they spent hours in each other's arms

Violet's scent its still on the pillow, it's been less than a week. Clementine knows that will eventually fade into nothing she dreads that day coming. Her crutches are leaning against the small dresser against the window, Clementine places them under her arms and with great difficulty she manages to get to her feet and leave the dorm room.

The halls are deathly silent, even AJ and Tenn who have taken to sharing a room are soundly sleeping, Clementine guesses that the morning is approaching but it's still dark enough to see the stars. She crosses the courtyard slowly, she wishes she hadn't taken having two feet for granted, everything is a struggle now.

Reaching the makeshift graveyard she awkwardly gets to the floor, seating herself in front of Violet's grave. Tenn's drawing pinned to the crucifix marking her grave blows in the slight breeze, the pencil marks faded under the heat of the autumn sunshine. Erupting from the soil are the buds of flowers, their petals just beginning to open, Clementine leans close to the dirt to inspect them, they're purple in colour, she finds herself smiling softly.

She looks at the grave, studying the name carved into the wood. Violet. Clementine takes a breath, leans back on her arms and begins to talk "I dreamt about you again" she says closing her eyes and feeling the warm breeze wash over her face, "I dream about you all the time, stuff we did stuff we didn't get to do" she swallows, opening her eyes and looking to the stars.

"Are you up there?" she says her voice breaking as she stumbles over the words feeling tears spill from her eyes, "I feel better imagining you're watching over me, I feel less alone." She's crying now and she lets the tears spill down her face. Clementine has lost countless people before, friends' family and those she loved, and while Lee's death hit her hard, this somehow felt worse. Violet had been her first kiss, her first love, the bond that had formed between them was so strong, and now that bond had been severed.

Clementine was quiet for a while, she imagined Violet's voice filling the silence. She'd give anything to hear her voice one more time, it hurts when she reminds herself she never will. She looks back at the stars, that hurts too. Everything reminds her of Violet, she wonders if the weight of this grief will ever go away, she still grieves Lee. She tries to remind herself that missing Lee has kept him alive in her memory, she promises that she'll never forget Violet either.

Clementine spends the rest of the night by Violet's grave, telling her girlfriend about AJ's antics, the weather, how much she misses her. She talks until her voice is sore and the sun begins to chase the moon from the sky, "I hope that you're peaceful Vi, I love life, but it doesn't feel like living without you." Clementine's joints ache and she reaches for her crutches, attempting to get to her feet as she stands she casts one final look at the grave, "I know I'll see you again, please wait for me up there." Clementine isn't sure if she believes in heaven and even though she knows Violet was raised Christian she doesn't know of her girlfriend did either, a strong gust of wind whips around the courtyard and Clementine smiles, she knows it's a coincidence but it fills her with hope anyway.

The door opens to the admin building as Aasim and Louis exit the dorm rooms reading to start the day, Clementine wipes her tears away and casts one final look at Violet's grave before turning her head to the skies, the last star is slowly fading away, "I love you" she whispers.

She remembers one of the last conversations she had with the blonde, playing Violet's words over in her head, I'm still kind of amazed we found each other.

And I'll never let you go.