The Drug Dealer's Wife.

#8 - Lucid

Flabbergasted with agony and growing in a state of fear. That was a clean description of what I was mentally feeling. This helpless position left me in pieces, for I knew the fate of my husband was uncertain. I calmed myself within the first hour of waiting in The Sarain's lobby. I couldn't afford for my nerves and temper to get the best of me. Positive thoughts led to positive outcomes, and that's what I needed to keep in mind.

"Nova, I called Bryson's mom and she notified the rest of the family. They're on their way." Divine said handing me a cup of coffee. "Drink this. It'll make you feel better."

I took the cup from Divine's hands but didn't sip it. The warmth of the cup was far more satisfying. I needed to feel something again, because every part of my being was cold inside. No one could ever be prepared for something so detrimental to happen to their partner, but I just wished I could shake this emptiness that rattled my interior. The powerful Nova was certainly hiding somewhere and didn't care to come out and show herself.

I sat in the same spot for the next forty five minutes praying and holding onto hope. Divine had her arm wrapped around me and as salty as I was to her, I was happy she was here. She knew first hand how I was feeling. Anybody else would have ran to the hills from my disgusting attitude. I was just all over the place, and I'm glad she understood that.

"Nova! Oh my God, Nova? Honey, what's going on?"

I glanced up to see Bryson's mom, Paula rushing over to me with a similar demeanor that I had when I first came. I smiled weakly as she came nearer to hug me. I really wished B would have pulled out of this one without me having to contact his mother. That poor lady already went through enough dealing with the rest of Bryson's siblings.

"What...what happened, Nova? Please tell me something!" Paula cried.

"All I know is that he got shot four times, and he's currently in surgery." I answered. "I don't know any other information besides that."

Paula slouched in her seat and closed her eyes. My heart really went out for this lady, she's been through so much raising four boys all by herself. Divine and I looked at each other with worry as Paula began to rock back and forth. I don't think I could emotionally handle another incident involving a Harding.

"You know I always said if you lived by the gun, you'll die by the gun. My own ma taught me that one." Paula said after a while. "And I've been telling those boys that for the longest. I just don't know where I went wrong with them."

"You did the best that you could with your sons, Paula." Divine intruded, reaching over to grab Paula's hand. "None of this is your fault."

Paula opened her eyes and smiled at Divine. "Thank you. Nova, I know this has to be hard for you as well. How are you doing?"

I glanced up at the ceiling and shook my head. I've been in this position before, clinging onto hope. But that doesn't mean it was something I would ever get used to. The fear, the unknown outcome, the anxiety and worrying. Who the fuck needs all of that in their life?

"I don't know how I'm doing." I admitted. "This whole thing....it's just putting a lot of stuff in perspective for me."

"What does that mean?" Paula asked. "Are you thinking about leaving Bryson? Honey, I know the business he's in is a bit much, and I for one don't want nothing to do with it, but I thought you understood that. Don't get me wrong, I'll stand by your decision but in this crucial time...."

"It's not that." I said, quickly interrupting Paula.

"Then what is it?"

I glanced over at Divine and she gave me a bitch you better not say what you're thinking face. Unfortunately, I ignored and proceeded to tell Paula everything that happened between the Watson family and my dealings with their accounting firm. Paula's facial expression went from questioning, to concern, and then it was simply bland after I concluded. Maybe confiding in my mother in law wasn't the brightest idea after all.