The Drug Dealer's Wife.

#26 - No More Thug Misses

I guess my woman's intuition took an extended leaves, because I didn't see or feel Bryson's adultery coming at all. A brave face and a fake smile was how I was making it through. I was extremely proud of myself for not breaking down, and acting like my world was about to come to an end. The night spent at Divine's gave me time to really soak everything in. I felt like everything was spiraling out of control so fast. One minute I'm enjoying my husband, on cloud nine because he finally came home from jail. I was looking forward to returning to our regular programming, and just flourishing as a couple. And now the next minute, I'm here on Divine's couch explaining what a dog Bryson was after all, making it clear that I was absolutely done with relationships, and that I didn't even want another man to look my way. 

You know, maybe that's what that feeling was. When Bryson left in his tantrum because I didn't want a baby on his time, it didn't affect me like it should of. Yeah, I cared that my marriage was potentially on the rocks because we couldn't come to a conclusion about the baby thing, but him up and walking out was like 'oh, what else is new?'. I was lowkey relieved for his absence because it gave me time to think and reflect. I was growing tired of the current state in our relationship, and perhaps the lack of feeling I felt was preparing me for this huge bombshell.

I don't know, I was just trying to make sense of the whole thing. Bryson has been calling non stop, so much so that I had to turn my phone off. It felt very uncanny to be in this position with him. We've came such a long way, beating all the odds. Bryson Harding was supposed to be my happily ever after, and now I couldn't even stand the thought of him.

Through thick and thin, we were supposed to stay together. But how could I ever forgive and forget what Bryson did? I was deeply hurt, and although I did my fair share of sneakiness, nothing could top Bryson cheating on me with some bimbo. I truly believed that I had all rights to feel as played, disrespected and angry as I did.

"So sis, you pick the movie tonight." Chloe announced, turning the T.V on. "The Devil Wears Prada, or Pretty Woman?"

"Oh, please not Pretty Woman." Divine snapped. "I can't handle all that cute shit now, and I bet Nova doesn't wanna see that either."

My friends looked at me, awaiting the final decision. I shrugged in response, and from the looks of their faces I could tell they were over my solemn mood, but trying their best to still cheer me up regardless. I was so damn grateful for them, for I knew I wasn't alone. Chloe dropped everything when Divine told her about Bryson, rushing to my side. And Divine was being the most gracious host, ensuring that all my needs were met. I honestly couldn't want it any better. God knew what He was doing placing these phenomenal women in my life.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Chloe whispered. "I mean, girl you ain't even shed a tear or nothing. A good cry might do you good."

Divine shot Chloe an evil look, which Chloe ignored. I swallowed at Chloe's statement, reaching over to grab a glass of wine. My friend was right. I didn't really mourn this situation. But in all actuality, I had no tears left to cry. I was filled with so much resentment and vexation, sadness was an emotion that refused to come to me. And I was happy about that. My days of crying over men has been gone, and they weren't coming back.

"Being emotional isn't going to fix anything." I quietly answered. "I'm hurt, what Bryson did was fucked up. But I'm more so angry than anything. It's like why me, you know? Why would you think about playing me like this after all I've been through, after all I've told you about my stance with men? Why would you mess around on a woman who was totally down for you, ready to risk it all for you? It's like I put all my trust in his hands, and he just dropped it. It's like he didn't even care about my feelings. He was more so interested in getting what he needed. His selfishness took over our relationship. And that makes me fucking tight."