The Drug Dealer's Wife.

#29 - Some Gain, More Pain

The outpour of support since Bryson's death was unreal. People from all walks of life showed love, embracing me and giving me along with the rest of Bryson's family encouraging words. I still couldn't grasp the fact that my husband was really gone. Even with having to finalize funeral arrangements, it didn't feel like he wasn't here. Chloe said that it would take some time, for people grieved differently, but I know what I felt. I was just waiting for him to pop up and tell everyone that it was one big prank.

But that didn't happen. And the emptiness in our huge mansion showed that. I no longer could stand the sight of the house. Bryson's smell was everywhere, and I couldn't handle being in our bed by myself.  It had too many memories, and being in that environment only made me exhausted with sadness. I couldn't wait to sell the Harding home. I never really was a big fan of the house anyways.

But on the other hand, the funeral was everything Bryson would have wanted. It was trap mixed with soul, the streets with some bougie. He would have really liked this. The Harding family and myself went all out for it and I knew we did him proud. We did him really really proud.

Giving the eulogy was the tough part. I knew I had to say something remarkably fantastic, which by the applause I received showed it was. I choked up a lot, as expected. Speaking on my late husband was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And thankfully Chloe and Divine was right there by my side, egging me on.

I honestly don't know how I was doing it all. Waking up each day, trying to act like I wasn't as deeply hurt as I truly was. Life waited for no one, and the moment I said goodbye to the love of my life, here comes work and all the other bullshit that comes with being a successful accountant. I wanted to shut everything down, crawl in bed and cry. But that's not what bosses do. I remember having sleepless nights to get to where I currently was, and I'd be damned if I toyed with that blessing now.

Regrettably, I was moving into a state of anger and confusion. It had to be apart of the grieving stages, but sooner rather than later I knew I had to seek help urgently before my emotions ate me alive. For some reason, I was just so damn heated at Bryson, and he wasn't even here for me to take it out on him. The day of his funeral left me in a ball of emotions, and unfortunately anger was at the forefront.

Benji's account of Bryson's death swirled through my mind as I walked into my brand new office. How Bryson died was so troubling to me still, and it just won't leave me alone. What the fuck was my late husband even doing behind a wheel if he knew he had alcohol in his system? He was the responsible one. He was supposed to be the smart one.

I just wanted so much more for that man. So, so, so, much more. He had the potential to be greater than great, that's how much I was rooting for him. Even with his betrayal, I still wanted him to be his best self. I loved that man, maybe even too much. With everything he put me through, I would have still been cheering for him from the sidelines. But now he's gone and it just left me more broken than I already was.

"Mrs. Harding? Are you okay, ma'am?"

I glanced up to see my new assistant Madison, glaring down on me. Man what the fuck kinda question was that? I swear people be saying the weirdest shit to other people who recently lost a loved one. I breathed out slowly, and counted to ten. The girl was just trying to be friendly and nice, Nova. Leave the newly graduated college girl alone.

I sighed, and eventually smiled at Madison. She was actually a really decent person, and she reminded me a lot of myself when I first graduated. I had to cut the girl some slack. After all, I barged into the office and spent the last five minutes completely zoned out. Her concern was understandable.

"Yeah, I'm fine. What's today's proceedings?" I questioned, trying to get back into work mode.

"Well, Ian cleared your morning schedule because Eman Samuels is here to see you. Mr. Samuels said his visitation is extremely important." Madison answered.