The Drug Dealer's Wife.

#27 - Truth Hurts

"Oh Nova I'm so happy you finally made it to the church!" Madam Tuck gleamed when she saw me coming her way. "You look so beautiful! Come come, this way."

Tuck's warm, up tempo voice immediately brought a smile to my face. Rushing over to her, we embraced. It was the most genuine, comforting hug I'd experienced in a minute and I was so glad I made the decision to visit my former high school teacher. Whenever I needed reasoning, Tuck was always there for me. She was the wisdom through the foolishness, and I knew I had to do better when it came to being there for her as well. We had a true relationship, and it wouldn't be right if I didn't regularly check in with my very lively heroine.

"I'm so happy to see you!" Tuck beamed, gesturing me to sit on one of the pews. "How you've been keeping?"

I shrugged, and from my facial alone Tuck could tell that something was wrong. That was the beauty of having this woman in my life. She just knew. Within seconds she neglected her duties and came over to sit next to me, placing my hands in hers.

Glancing around the church, I noticed how beautifully decorated the building truly was. Tuck has been asking me for years to visit this place, and it was so shameful that it took a mishap on my end to show my presence. Nevertheless, Tuck gave me her undivided attention, shunning away folks and giving me her usual motherly gaze.

I was still coming to terms with everything, as I sat next to Tuck lost and out of touch. The days spent at Divine's gave me clarity, but it still didn't heal the hurt I was feeling. I knew it would take a while to fully detach myself from my marriage, but I just wish I didn't feel so disconnected.

"Miss Nova Maria Joy...talk to me love. Tell me why the long face." Tuck said once it was just me and her sitting around. "Is it the husband?"

I squinted my eyes, looking at Madam Tuck questionably. I was planning on being very hypothetical about why I was here, but my second mom done called me out. Although I wasn't ashamed of Bryson, I didn't rush to tell Tuck that I was married to a drug dealer, especially a very prosperous one at that. She wasn't at the wedding simply because I felt like she wouldn't approve, and I honestly didn't want any condemnation from someone I valued so much. But every day since the Harding's union, I've been regretting not allowing her to be apart of my celebration. And from the look on her face I could tell she felt similarly too.

"Yeah, I knew." Tuck laughed. "I've been knowing for a while now. And it's just so troubling that you've never told me. I wouldn't have judged Miss Nova. Believe it or not. Love is love, and I would never come between that. But I understand why you chose to hide it. I brought up you, Divine and Chloe very strictly, giving you guidelines on what I thought was right and wrong. But in the end, it's up to you three individually. And if that drug dealer makes you happy, thrive darling."

I leaned back in the seat, and gave Tuck a small smile. God bless this woman, honestly. She was reassuring me without the slightest idea of what was really going on, and I am so honored to say I was raised by such a sensational woman. She was the definition of woman empowerment, for her soul reeked of positivity and upliftment.

"There's not a day that goes by that I don't regret not having you there on my wedding day." I admitted. "Even if I don't think about it, it's always there at the back of my brain. You're nothing like my biological mom, but still, I felt like you'd be disappointed. And that you wouldn't want anything to do with it. So I guess I decided to avoid you before you got the chance to hurt my feelings. But maybe, it was a good thing after all. Bryson and I are no more. And I don't know why I ever thought we could prevail."

"What made you come to this decision?" Tuck sternly asked. "You've only been married for how long now, dear?"

"Only a year." I quickly answered. "But Tuck you know me, and I ain't gonna stick around with no man who cheated on me. I'm too much of a boss for that."

"So why weren't you too much of a boss for when he was out here terrorizing the streets, and ruining weak minded people's lives? Why was him cheating on you the last straw? Nova, sweetheart. You know I'm going to give you the real." Tuck rebutted. "I ain't ever sugarcoat anything, and I won't start now. But can you honestly say you didn't see this coming? Look at the lifestyle he had you living. I don't know him, but a successful drug dealer has to be a taker. He has to be selfish, and only think of himself. You were just too blind in love to see it."

Well damn. Here I was getting my ass handed to me. I knew Tuck was going to give me some tough love, that's the reason I came. But that didn't help the fact that I was feeling like a whole fuck up on the inside. Bryson was a whole red flag, and I missed the mark entirely.

Tuck wrapped an arm around me, drawing me closer to her. "You'll get through this, like you always do. And then you'll bounce back like never before. I think you mistook lust for love on this one, Nova. You knew damn well that there was no possibility of you and a man like Bryson Harding working out. You aren't this type of thug invested woman that he needs you to be. No matter how much you dress up, and try to act like it. I know putting on this whole facade of being this thuggish, street wife had to be tiring. That's not the Nova I know. You were just happy that you found someone you could call your own, and you desperately grabbed onto it before it was taken away. From watching you over the years, I could tell you've never healed properly from any of your heartbreaks. You just move on and jump to the next thing. From your parents, to your different job opportunities, to the men you get involved with. And now Bryson comes along, and fills a void that you been seeking from your father. You ignore Bryson's faults, because you believe there's good in him. But then have the audacity to get surprise when his transgressions spill over to what you thought was good in him. I personally believe that you were never ready to be married, but you went along with it because it felt good. But that's just me. Take this whole thing as a lesson, dear. You just wanted a happily ever after, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you can't just jump to the first person willing to give it to you. Bryson fed your self esteem, and he certainly did something for your ego. And don't you dare take that the wrong way. Revamp, refresh, and start over.  Focus on yourself and what makes Nova happy. You're young, and you gotta whole life to live. Don't make it all about some man. The next time you come in here I don't wanna see you looking so broken."

Talk about a good read. Tuck just stripped me bare and gathered me together again. My former high school teacher and I sat there for quite some time, just breathing and contemplating. Tuck's words were a hard pill to swallow, but it will be digested with time. I needed Tuck's light on things, and I was only sorry that it took me this long to realize everything.

"You'll love again." Madam Tuck said after a while. "It'll take time, but your heart will be restored with faith and belief. Will it be with Bryson? Only you can answer that. Marriage is a huge commitment, Nova. And I'm sure you know that already. It isn't something to be taken gently. You can't just throw in the towel when things get muddy. Marriage is the ultimate step to a relationship and the fact that your husband chose to take that step with you should mean something. I believe he saw forever for you two. Although I'm not too comfortable with the idea of Bryson Harding, I can genuinely see that there is love between you two. There's no denying that. But the ball is in your court. I'll never tell you what to do, dear. You know the type of man you're dealing with, you're no longer blind to it. Whether you choose to deal with it or not is up to you. Follow your heart, but be smart, and think clearly. I only want what's best for you."

One of the church volunteers called for Tuck, making our one on one come to a close. For the rest of the afternoon, I watched Tuck and other female volunteers work. They took pride in cleaning the church, and decorating, keeping it as glorious as it always is. They had a bright, passionate feel to them. They all look so happy to be around each other and their glow was front and center. I couldn't help but smile at it. Tuck's words left me feeling better about my whole situation. I was unclear about what I should do with my marriage, but I knew with time more clarity would come. But for right now, I just wanted to sit in this church and watch these women shine. And hopefully, some of their radiance would resonate with me.