The One She Needed

Chapter 17

ALEX

I'm okay

I keep telling myself that, till my heart believes it

She didn't mean it

She didn't

I move around attempting to seem well enough and unbothered by the latest events in my life. I enrolled into community college, gearing up to finish school and make mom's times of working double shifts not be in vain. Even though I walk with a perpetual pain that lingers in my chest.

I wish I could ask another how they deal knowing the one they will do anything for won't do the same for them, manage the anguish

If I asked Uncle Frank he'd say the answer lies in whiskey. Maybe once I'm done with the bottle I could bash it into her mother's head. I wish for the sake of not giving off murder like vibes I can say I'm joking but I'm not.

Late nights dreams plague my head of Raquel

Her holding me, touching me

I can't sleep afraid to fall victim to the trick of sleep to believe she really is with me. Only to wake up and see her gone

A lot of things remain empty; the frame I hold has no value if she's no longer in it. Sam has been my rock and Becca has enough on her plate to deal with. I don't need her getting involved in my problems. Mom has been looking at me like I'm broken.

I hate it, feeling weak.

I try pushing thoughts of pain away.

It's only been school, garage and home. A monotonous routine that's slowly eating away at me, a routine Johnny claims I need to get out of. I never really considered him a close friend, so imagine my surprise when he cornered me at the garage telling me we were going out and there was no way out of it.

Now the cold feel of alcohol down my throat is admittedly soothing, as I sat by the bar. Johnny had ditched me the moment he caught sight of a pretty brunette flashing him a flirty smile. For a moment I wished to be carefree like that. Where things were easier.

Looks like I'll have to resort to the only source of closest comfort.

Alcohol opens your arms and bathe me in your warmth.

***

20:12 pm - To Raquel

Maybe it's the drinks giving me this courage to text you again. Though I promised myself I wouldn't. Hell I claimed I would never be those guys at bars but I'm here, cold wishing I was between your warm legs.

21:23 pm - To Raquel

Realised message I sent wasn't right to send to someone's almost wife. But I don't care. Tell me does he make you scream like I can

22:40 pm - To Raquel

I miss smelling your hair. Y won't you talk to me. Just say something

23:25 pm - To Raquel

Your skin is one of the things I love about you. I know you hate how dark it is but I love it

01:38 am - To Raquel

Iiii leov you need you

03:42 am - To Raquel

U don deserf me. Cun I smell yo hair

04:15 am - To Raquel

Adkk ekfkanfka dkdlih

05:09 am - To Raquel

PLiz ddont llev

I want to crawl up in a hole and die as more regret bubbles in my insides as I scroll through the messages I sent to Raquel and some embarassing voice messages. I need to get myself together.

The sheer confusion I felt did little in my time of trying to figure out what even happened last night much less how I even managed to make it on the couch. Coming into work Johnny filled me in on the events from last night, finding my drunken texts and calls hilarious. The fact that he left me to make a fool of myself in the deep haze of intoxication put me in a sour mood as I nursed my hangover. I moved around the garage feeling like crap as he snickered occasionally.

She had yet to respond to any of my messages or calls, which is a good sign.

Right?

I'm sure she must think I'm ridiculous and the nature of some of my messages made no sense, note to self no drinking for a while. Hearing my name being called from Johnny I chose to keep ignoring him, I bet he wanted to make some snide comment about last night to add more insult to injury.

It was only the sound of another voice telling him they'd go find me amongst the cars that I immediately wished I'd called in sick today. Maybe my mind was still experiencing some side effects from last night as the one person I never expected to see came into my line of vision wearing a smile.

Gina.

***

Her hair had grown much longer reaching her shoulders, other than that even after all these years I couldn't pick out any distinct change to her physical features. It's still the same Gina, the same emerald green eyes and lines of freckles scattered across her round cheeks. And all I can wonder is what exactly lead her back to town?

During my lunch break we both settled on going to the local sandwich shop, it's only been a couple of minutes since we awkwardly greeted one another back at the garage. Granted I don't really know anyone who can greet their ex and claim it's not a tad bit awkward.

So far she'd been filling the space of conversation telling me with animated expressions about her adventures which ranged from trying exotic cuisines and going sky diving. On any normal day I would have happily paid attention to her tales but one thought that remained at the forefront of my mind was nagging me to spit out.

"Why did you come to see me, Gina?"

She stopped mid-sentence, shocked I'm sure by my blunt statement.

"I wanted to see you, thought it'd be good to catch up." she mumbled taking a sip from the lemonade she ordered.

I quirked brows feeling sceptical of her need to see me." Is that your way of indirectly trying to find out if I'm over you sleeping with my friend?" Her alabaster cheeks tinted pink as she shifted in her seat.

"I told you before that I didn't mean to do that to you." The excuse back then in a different time used to anger me, pain me at the fact that in the process of losing someone I once deemed worthy of my heart, I'd also lost a long-time friend.

"Look, I don't want to make you feel like shit, neither am I going to yell at you over something of the past." She visibly relaxed as I continued. "I was only wondering what made you so eager to come to my job and pay me a visit. Knowing you, you always avoided being in places you considered dirty."

"I've changed, a lot actually," she said looking at me straight in the eyes. "And...I know I left without having apologized the right way to you. I ran off, I'll admit that." Taking in her words back then I would have refused her apology, or scratched any chances of us at least being on civil terms with each other. But I'm already exhausted from holding pain over Raquel. I can only carry pain enough for so many people. Such that I accepted her apology besides she seemed genuine enough, though I can't say we'll be friends.

"Well I'm glad to hear you've been having a great time travelling the world. Thought you wouldn't be coming back to this place ever."

She quickly glanced to the side and I could only wonder what she's thinking. Back then I could easily interpret her thoughts based on her actions but now it's a different story.

"Well, when you're millions of miles in some foreign land you begin feeling a pull to go back to something not only familiar but where you feel at home."

Nodding my head I didn't feel the need to ponder further on her words. Guess home will always be best for some people. Though I'd like to think my home had to do with a person.