sonder

orphic

Chapter Six

Orphic

(adj.) mysterious and entrancing; beyond ordinary understanding

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I used to believe that the moon and the stars chased after me, as if we were in a constant game of tag. No one would ever truly win though, it's impossible to actually win an imagined game against something that seems like a million miles away.

It was on my insomniac filled nights that I wished I could still have the imagination I had when I was a child. The idea of the moon and the stars chasing after me made me believe that I was extremely special. Of all things on the planet, of all people to chase after, the moon had chosen to run after me as more distance elapsed between us.

I grew out of my creativity, I can't remember exactly when, but it escaped me and I was left with just the small little pieces of my memory. The night sky now was only there to me, something that I watched come and go, something that had nothing special for me. Most things were like that now though, simply only existing not actually having meaning.

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Kali and her siblings walked down the aisle, heading straight to check out where I could hear Kali's bubbling voice greet whoever was working. She always had this way of seeming like she had everything together in her life, I envied her for that.

I sauntered my way to the back of the store where I knew that the pharmacy was, where I knew my next prescription was awaiting me. Nerves welled up inside of me, just like they did every time that I had to pick up my meds, I hated feeling like I was being judged for them.

The huge pharmacy sign came into my vision along with the rows upon rows of over-the-counter drugs. My hands, without thinking about it, held the fabric of my sleeve tightly in my palm.

I abandoned my empty cart as I walked up to the counter, direct eye contact from the pharmacist causing my fingertips to feel like they were about to shake.

"How can I help you today?" She asked me, her facial expression coming across as friendly and sort of causing my anxieties to flood to the back of my mind.

"I have a prescription." I say, handing her the note from my therapist. She glanced at the paper and immediately headed to the back, announcing that she'll be right back. I looked nervously at my surrounding, scared to be seen by someone who knew me, even though I only had met two people in town so far.

My foot taps lightly against the floor to the beat of the music being played in the speakers throughout the store, and I decide to count my breathes until she gets back. My therapist suggested to use these techniques in order to focus my brain on something else when I was feeling uncomfortable, and they had slowly become natural behaviours over a few months. I just wish that she would hurry up.

As soon as that thought comes to my mind, the pharmacist is rounding the corner and handing me my prescription. I thank her, a little guilty for having wished she would rush, before hurrying to the front of the store to escape.

My walk home, the pill bottle searing through my pocket, I think back to Kali and about how different she appeared outside of the bookstore. She seemed almost more grown up, way more serious, as she watched over her brother and sister. I couldn't help but be excited for tonight, spending time with Kali made everything seem light and I was able to escape from my reality, something not exactly common for me.

"Did you get your prescription?" My mom hollers at me as soon as I walk into the kitchen. I pull the bottle from my pocket, placing it in front of her so that she can inspect it if need be. She looks at it, nodding her head slightly, before continuing to stir the pot on the stove in front of her. Jeremiah looks at the orange item before quickly diverting his gaze completely, his face becoming a little pale.