sonder

kairos

Chapter Twenty One

Kairos

(n.) the perfect, delicate, crucial moment; the fleeting rightness of time and place that creates the opportune atmosphere for action, words, or movement; also, weather.

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    Damian's strong arms carried us both back up to the shore of the quarry, both of us quivering from the water's temperature. I was definitely going to wake up tomorrow morning with the symptoms of a cold but it was worth it, all of it was worth it.

    The steamy make out session from the water lasted a little while on the sand-like shore with Damian's body hovering over mine like a blanket of warmth. Our breathes mingled into a heated web as lazily the tension between us died out and soon enough, Damian's body found its next to her, both of us staring up at the sky lost in ourselves. We were both still in our damp underwear, neither os us making the first move to gather our belongings.

    My mind drifted to the first night that Damian had come over for dinner, our eyes locked on the stars similarly to right now before we moved everything inside and our relationship kicked off. We'd really come a long way in the short five weeks that we'd known each other, summer was nearly halfway done at this point in time.

    "Did you ever try to find constellations?" Damian asks me, his voice softer than usual almost more vulnerable.

    I shake my head a little. "I could never find any so I kind of gave up searching." I admit, the memory of the frustration I used to feel about not being able to see constellations like everyone else coming to my mind. I had nearly forgotten about that.

    "I could only ever find the Big Dipper, but that was on rare occasions." Damian admits, his answer comforts me. It was nice knowing that someone else had a similar hiccup of a struggle to me.

    "How can people just randomly be able to differentiate between them all, like stars look the same to me. I never got it." I state with exasperation.

    "Right!" Damian echoes as silence elapses between us for a little while. I find myself laughing though into the night, the feeling of Damian's gaze turning to me instantly. "What's so funny?"

    I chuckle some more, turning onto my side to face him as I speak. "It's just, like when you think about that is something so stupid to get mad about but I remember genuinely being so pissed as a ten year old about people who could see a star pattern." Damian begins to chuckle as he listens to me explain myself. "Also, talk about a random question to ask someone." I note.

    "I don't know," Damian laughs, his body completely turned to mine now. "I couldn't think of anything else, so, stars it was."

    I shake my head. "You are seriously the most mysterious person I've ever met. What seventeen year old spends his days reading novels in an old bookstore for his own enjoyment but then seems to have this crazy good understanding of a sport that I've been watching my brother play for years but still have no clue what's going on? And then there's the whole leather-jacket-punk-rocker vibe but then you turn into this teddybear of an older brother. Who even are you?" I finish off asking.

    Damian's eyes sparkle as he listens to my ramble. Obviously the water had gone to my brain as I would've never admitted to thinking about all of that on a usual day; however, since Damian walked into my life, things had been anything but usual.

    "What can I say?" Cue cocky smirk of his that I am a big fan of. "My goal in life is to be a puzzle for you." A dazzling smile rings across his features, irritating me slightly.

    "You are one odd person, Damian." I sigh, scanning over his body before landing back on his face.

    "Firstly though, the reason I spend all my time in an old bookstore is because I prefer fictional characters over most people. Also there's a lot you can learn from others by reading, something that most people our age just haven't figured out yet." He pauses, allowing me to catch up with his word. "Secondly, I've played soccer my entire life so that's why I know a lot about it.

    As for my style preferences, the leather-jacket-punk-rocker vibe, as you so beautifully put it, reflects my mystery; however, it is more of an ode to the era of 90s to 2000s alternative rock scene. The music of that genre is incredible and I could only dream to have that much talent." Damian finishes, looking at me for approval of his answers.

    "I don't think you've ever spoken so much about yourself to me." I laugh, albeit a little bit serious.

    "What about you though? You are just as much of a mystery to me as I am to you." Damian pries, the conversation now being turned on me.

    "Three things you can ask since you answered three about yourself." I warn, hoping that it will stop him from prying too much.

    "That's fair." Stillness ensues as I wait for him to continue. I take the time to inspect him more closely, trying to piece the new information he's given with the person who lies next to me. "You know, now that you've put me on the spot here, I can't even think of questions to ask you." He laughs, flipping back onto his back.

    I mimic his position, laughing at him a little bit. "Seriously?"

    "I mean, yeah," He pauses, my eyes focusing on the night above as I wait for him to continue. "there's way too many things that I could ask you but it sounds dumb."

    His hands fidget tapping against his toned stomach which catches my peripheral vision. "Just go for it, don't overthink it." I say this but I don't know who needs to hear it more.

    "Fine... why do you always searching over ever single book you put away at the store yet only read the ones that you have at home? How come you always seem like you're in a rush to head to the next place? And what makes you love this quarry so much, because I highly doubt its the freezing water?"

    "Okay," I pause to gather my own thoughts, the stars seeming to jumble together much like how my head is. "One, I guess I'm afraid that if I start a new book that it'll be a disappointment so I usually stick to my favourites. I do this weird thing where I analyze them in my head after reading them, after a few reads it's easier to start seeing new things within each of them. Second, I always feel like I never have enough time for things so I speed through everything to make sure that I'm home on time or that I'm there for my siblings when they need me. And, thirdly." I pauses once again, a little breathe of relief elapsing from me.

    Damian's hum of a response reminds me that I'm not just talking to the moon over here and before I open my mouth again, I reflect on the question about the quarry, fond memories floating into my head. "Honestly, this place just reminds me of summer. My class in middle school came here right before the end of the year one time, I felt like everything about reality was just lost on the way here. It's become a safe place for me."

    I remember that day so well, it was right before my dad left. I had actually forgotten all about my home life when I came to the quarry, it was like a shield from life. All I had to worry about was being a kid and making sure that I was on the bus again when we left. I guess I'd been chasing after that feeling again for a long time now.

    "I take it the water is a lot warmer during the day?" Damian jokes, once again reminding me that I wasn't alone out here. Something about him and the safety of the night allowed me to be more honest with both myself and with him. I hadn't told anyone about that stuff before.

    A sputter of laughter leaves my mouth as well. "Definitely a lot warmer." Our faces turn to meet each other in that moment, the air becoming lighter and a warmth spreads across my body as our eyes lock. "We should probably get going." I whisper, hating to be the barer of bad news.

    Damian sighs, nodding his head with a stone cold expression on his face. "I guess so." He answers, hauling myself to a standing position before offering me a hand.

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