sonder

tacenda

Chapter Thirty Two

Tacenda

(n.) things better left unsaid; matters to passed over in silence.

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    I hold onto every word that Kali utters. My heart not breaking like I'd expected but it was a new feeling entirely... shattering, slowly. This was a puzzle that would not be able to be repaired.

    "We promised at the beginning of all of this to not deal with feelings." She begins, anger controlling her tone as her voice harshens. "And now you go and say that you?" Kali shakes her head and huffs before retreating from my grasp.

    "Kali?" I question, my voice stronger than how I'd imagined it coming out. When her eyes meet mine, their completely shut off and sent into a void of the Kali that I recognized.

    "Damian, what the hell were we thinking? I cannot love you, why'd you fall in love with me? This is not how things were supposed to go. I can't. It was the one rule that I created because I didn't want to end up like this. 

    Don't you get it? I am impossible to love, love doesn't exist, it's all a lie. I literally just had a major argument with my family and then you drop this bombshell on me as if it's no big deal. Seriously, Damian?" Her rant comes with her her face getting redder and redder with mixed emotions. 

    She changes her tone though, her facial expression getting softer as her voice falls to a whisper. "Damian, I'm sorry but this is just a compete mess and it's never going to work." Kali declares, tears spilling from her green orbs whilst her chest heaves from the emotion.

    I'm completely speechless as I watch her get dressed, her littered clothing around my room gone within minutes. When her hand reaches for the door, my throat dries of all moisture which prevents me from speaking completely; although, I didn't have the words to say anything though. How can you express how it feels to have your heart ripped from your chest and then crushed by the person you'd trusted to not break it?

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    Our memory is a dangerous thing, especially when for days on end all I think about is the look on Kali's face as she closed my door behind her. I felt worse than when Rosie had cheated on me because at least then, I had someone to be mad at; however, with Kali, I could only blame myself for falling for her.

    After spending the night in a numbing void, I was surprised when I found Jeremiah on the other side of my door in the morning. Our muddy old soccer ball was tucked underneath his arm and a sheepish smile played on his face.

    "I'm not letting you lock yourself in your room this time around." Is all he says before walking down the hall and to the stairs. "We're leaving for practice in five." He announces from halfway down to the living room, his voice haunting me as it bounces off the walls like the ball in a pinball machine.

    My feet dragged as we headed to the field, my mind occupied with how much my life was about to change from how this summer had been. No longer could I go to the bookstore as Kali didn't seem to ever want to see me again, I'd be starting school now with knowing absolutely nobody, and this time around, I can't let myself fall away.

    Jeremiah didn't try to say anything to me after we got to the field, simply he kicked the ball in my direction and waited for me to take over. A small smile made its way onto my face as I watched Jeremiah easily maneuver around the field like an expert as we went through our typical drills. He'd become really good over the past couple of years but had truly taken off over the summer.