sonder

opia

Chapter Three

Opia

(n.) the ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.

~ ~ ~

I used to love getting told how much I looked like my father. In my eyes, he was a literal superhero, absolutely everything about him was incredible to me and I wanted nothing more than to be like him.

Looking at myself now, I realize just how naive it was of me to associate my self-worth with how much I lived up in comparison to my father. I wish, now, that I could replace my eye colour with my mother's brown, something both of my sibling inherited. The green that shone back in the mirror only reminded me of how much damage my father caused my family, how much pain he put my mother through, and how he was just a tornado blowing through everyone's lives.

I know that my mother resented my green eyes too, she always seemed to look at them with pain in her eyes. I knew that I reminded her of him more so than my brother and sister who didn't get affected by his personality as much as I had.

Most people stopped telling me how much I looked like him after they realized that he ran out. I can still vividly remember the morning that he did leave for good. He came into my room, his green eyes looking into my own as if a mirror stood before me, and he promised that he loved me. He kissed my head and then he vanished.

I resent how much I missed him at first. I resent that he left at all. I resent that he made my mom question her worth. I resent that he left my brother and sister, stripping them of a loving father. And lastly, I resent that he left all of us a little more broken, as that just means that he won.

~ ~ ~

"Good morning, Mrs. Harvey." I say, a little more tired than I usually am. Courtney stopped swinging my hand as soon as Mrs. Harvey opened the door wider for her to slip through. Austin followed quietly behind her, a smile brightening his face as his way of greeting Mrs. Harvey.

"Morning Kali. How are you?" She asks me sweetly. Mrs. Harvey always made me feel at easy, her eyes simply poured out kindness and they made me feel as if I was still a child rather than almost eighteen.

"A little sleepy." I admit, laughing a little. "Is Mr. Harvey already at the bookstore?"

"You know him, he's always down there at the crack of dawn." She chuckled. "You should probably get going though, I know you like to get there as early as possible too."

"What can I say? It's a habit." I joke.

"You two are two peas in a pod." Mrs. Harvey laugh, again, bringing me into her embrace.

"Thank you for watching Austin and Courtney." I say sheepishly as I do every morning that I drop them off.

"You need to stop thanking me." She reprimands, as always. I shrug, my way of telling her that I most likely won't.

"Bye Austin. Bye Courtney." I shout into the Harvey's house, both of them having made themselves at home already. I hear a mumble of the two of them as I turn to head down the porch steps. I wave goodbye over my shoulder to Mrs. Harvey as she closes the door behind me and then I'm left alone with my thoughts. My usual routine continuing just as planned.

A yawn catches me by surprise as I slowly head through our neighbourhood. I can't even remember why but for some reason, I couldn't fall asleep when I got home last night from work. My mind just kept racing until my alarm woke me from sleep way too early.