sonder

pulchritudinous

Chapter Twenty Nine:

Pulchritudinous

(adj.) breathtaking, heartbreaking beauty

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    Sometime after our third movie, Damian and I wound up sitting against the couch. My knees were tucked under my chin, Damian's long legs stretching out miles ahead of us. The heat radiating between us magnetized by our shared blanket and my head that kept falling onto his shoulder.

    Our siblings had been sleeping for a few hours now, only our persistent voices and the hum of the movie echoing in the halls. I could feel my eyes beginning to shut, fluttering open and closed as my head tipped over onto Damian once again.

    I didn't have the energy to move this time though and every muscle in my body slowly relaxed into the warmth of Damian. I was just barely asleep when I felt the quickest feeling of tingles eclipse on my forehead, sending me into unconsciousness.

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    A horrible, shooting pain spiked through my lower abdomen, my eyes fighting to stay closed as I desperately tried to ignore the feeling. A heavy weight slung low on my waist, easing some of the discomfort but I couldn't shake the feeling of complete and utter fiery pain.

    I sent a few curse words out into the universe as I woke entirely from my slumber, my mind finally adjusting to being awake again. A soft snore shocked me out of my haze, realization that I was currently in a compromising position with Damian hitting me like a ton of bricks.

    My body is quick to react in order to get me out from under Damian's arm and away from his skin as if I've just been burned from his touch. Waking up to cuddling him felt off limits, completely and utterly wrong when it came to how our relationship worked.

    Sharp pain reminded me of why I had gotten up in the first place, my period giving me a hell of a time even though I was nearly done with it. I tiptoed my way to the kitchen, trying to shake the feeling of Damian's body all over mine.

    I lean my body against the countertop as I sip on a glass of water, hoping that I won't have to take any medication in order to ease the pounding stabs of pain. A disheveled Damian walks into the kitchen, his waves completely disordered on the top of his head as he wipes his fingers around the corner of his eyes, clearing the sleep from them. He's barely visible in the dim lighting of the stove light that I had flicked on earlier.

    "Couldn't sleep?" He inquires, his just-woke-up appearance making me regret having left his side at all: the thought surprising me.

    "I hate being a girl sometimes, that's all." I tell him, not wanting to explain all the gruesome details that Damian should've learned about in middle school health class.

    He nods, justifying my reasonings even though his face conveys that he doesn't really understand my circumstances. "My ex used to have a hot water bottle, don't know if that actually works or not." He throws out there, his body caving in on itself as soon as he brings up his previous girlfriend.

    "She's not wrong, but I always forget to buy one so I stick to chugging a lot of water and if it's horrible, ibuprofen." I explain while he enters the kitchen further, the air seeming tense as I think about how I'd woken up. I felt... uncomfortable, something that I'd never felt around Damian.

    He scratches his chin, the ruff sound of stubble growing in rubbing against his fingertips seems too loud for the silent night. His posture mimics mine, his lower half resting on the counter across from me. A sense of deja vu hits me as I continue to drink more water, my feet waddling over to the sink to refill.

    "I'm glad she told the truth about one thing, she pretty much lied about everything else." Damian opens up, my eyebrows raising with concern for him. He elaborates before I'm able to question him some more. "She cheated on me, pretty much the entire time we were together. I kind of went downhill after that." He admits.

    "She sounds like an asshole." I profess, my own experience with adultery causing my heart to go out to Damian. "I've dealt with my fair share of shitty people but cheaters are the worst kind of people in my book." I admit, stunned by my own honesty.

    Damian's bobs his head to my words, "Yeah, there's a reason I'm on meds now." He chuckles at his words before a look of panic surges across his features.

    My voice halts in my throat, unsure of exactly what I should say because Damian's posture tells me that he really didn't want to bring that up. I also felt that if I were to continue the conversation, all rules that we placed for our relationship would be blown out of the water; so instead, we both stayed quiet. Me out of fear of pushing things over the edge, and Damian shocked into being mute.

    The leaves from the trees outside rustled against the window, the only sound daring to speak in the house. I swear I could almost hear the neighbours peaceful, sound breathing due to how silent the atmosphere is between Damian and I.

    I try to catch Damian's eyes, to reassure both of us that we were okay, but he's dead set on watching the floor tiles, completely absorbed inside his mind. I didn't know how I could help but the pained expression on his face made me want to give him a hug but I had this gut feeling that it wouldn't actually help.

    "Damian-" I begin, not really knowing where I was headed with my sentence but desperate to figure it out along the way.

    He juts in before I have the chance to possibly wreck everything. "I'm sorry." He apologizes, my voice immediately cutting him off to explain that there's nothing to apologize for. Damian's quick to continue talking though. "I'm not crazy, let me just say that for starters but I have been on medication for my mental health for about a year now.

    I had a rough last few years and I don't really like talking about it but I guess I should clear the air on that." Damian sums up, his eyes finally meeting mine rather than looking past me. His shoulders slag downwards as if a weight has just been heaved off of his back.

    Once his words have registered, I'm slowly walking across the the kitchen floor to stand toe-to-toe with Damian. My head tilts up to meet his eyes, a weird connection sprouting between our heartbeats, both of them moving to a rhythm that seemed foreign to my body.

    My hands twist around his shoulders, our skin creating a sparking feeling that shoots up my forearms. I feel the same sensation on my hip, Damian's thumb running against my pelvic bone with a swift movement.

    Time seems to slow as our faces close the distance between us, something in that last breathe before our lips connect whispers a goodbye to what once was and to what was to come.

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