sonder

boketto

Chapter Nineteen

Boketto

(Japanese) The act of gazing vacantly staring into the distance without thinking.

~ ~ ~

    "What's so wrong with Flynn you guys?" Lucy asks, sighing as she closes the sliver of her curtain that she opened to peer into his yard across the road. Aspen is immediately shaking her head in disapproval, she'd always hated Flynn, the golden bad boy of our town who just so happened to live right across the road from Lucy.

    Her neighbourhood was the epitome of the white picket fence lifestyle that is advertised everywhere and ever since my parents divorce, I slightly resented Lucy for having everything that I didn't: two parents, a loving dog, and a normal household. I lived closer to Main Street, a more rundown part of town with one parents, two younger siblings, and a childhood that is no longer mine. I couldn't complain too much though, at least the nights were quiet now.

    "Why do you have a bad boy complex?" Aspen states, her comment definitely rhetorical.

    Lucy scoffs at that. "You would too if you saw him with his shirt off." She defends, her eyes longingly going back to the window in her bedroom where she has a perfect view of the cul-de-sac.

    "I've seen him shirtless and I've also seen just how many girls he sleeps with on a daily basis, he's practically a walking STD." Aspen throws back. Lucy sighs, her face turning into one of self doubt. She's often the most pessimistic person when it comes to herself, she's struggled with her weight growing up and been bullied for it since she was little. Up until Aspen and I became her friends, she never really had any.

    A sympathetic smile makes its way onto my face as I look at one of my best friends, Aspen's comment obviously having caused a hurricane inside Lucy's mind. "I'd definitely have a bad boy complex if Flynn was more mysterious and less boy-next-door, you know? I mean, I've known him since we were all in diapers and I can't take his whole vibe seriously after seeing him with a raisin shoved in his nose."

    Aspen snorts and a smile hint of a smile comes over Lucy's face. "This town is the worst, I can't wait until we all graduate in two years. Like why can't we have just one cute guy around?" Lucy laughs, a tad hysterically.

    Aspen and I joining in, nodding in agreement. "Literally, just one cute guy is all we're asking for!" Aspen calls out, her eyes looking to the ceiling of Lucy's light pink room as if she's trying to contact the universe into answering our prayers.

    Our laughter reverberates through the room as time moves on, the beginning of our junior year nearly starting. It was on nights like this that I remembered that I'm supposed to be a teenager, that I'm supposed to worry only about boys and graduation and colleges. I nearly opened my mouth and started to spill all of my secrets to the two in front of me, my mouth opening and closing like a goldfish before I thought better of it.

    Just two more years of high school and then, I'll be a full blown adult yet I already felt like I was there.

~ ~ ~

    The image of the big blocked letters haunted my mind as I flipped relentlessly on my bed, my mattress seeming to be more uncomfortable than it had been on previous nights. In the distance, I heard the front door open and close followed by footsteps up the stairs then another close of a bedroom door.

    My mom was home.

    However, the last thing that I wanted right now was to confront her about the envelope. Today had felt like a dream, a long lost memory of a girl who's life wasn't mine, and then I got smacked back into reality by those three words, glaring and ugly and red.