sonder

yonderly

Chapter Fifteen

Yonderly

(adj.) mentally or emotionally distant; absent-minded.

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The moment my mom's feet sounded into my bedroom, I was hopping out of my bed. The rising sun was just filtering through my window which warmed my floorboards, keeping my feet from the usual shock of a drop in temperature.

As I walked into the bathroom across from my room, I took note of my features and I smiled. Today, I decided, was going to be a good day.

My mom looked up from her coffee as I walked into the kitchen. We hadn't really been on the best of terms ever since she had announced that she was dating him again. She had chosen to give me space though rather than forcing anything; however, I decided that today was going to be a good day, therefore, I wasn't going to let myself think about them or their relationship. I didn't want to deal with it.

"Good morning!" I exclaim, my voice definitely more chirper than it has been more recently. A surprised expression meets my greeting before my mom clears her throat.

"Morning." My mom says back, a little bit of hesitance lacing her tone. She was already dressed in her scrubs, meaning that she would be headed for the hospital soon to start her shift. I was lucky enough to have the day off, especially now that I looked outside of could see even more sun shining down on our yard.

I had already begun to fix myself some coffee when my phone buzzed from inside my pyjama pants' pocket. I could feel my mother's eyes on me, piercing my skin with multiple questions, as I read who the message was from.

Damian: What are you up to today?

I shook my head as I smiled down at my phone. Since Damian had shown up in town, we spent pretty much everyday together. I was grateful for him though, the distraction that he provided from reality was refreshing, I often find myself forgetting that I am only seventeen and that I should be surrounded by people my age rather than by siblings and parents all the time.

Kali: I don't know yet, it looks like its going to be nice out though.

The three bubbles signalling Damian preparing to reply distract me from everything going on outside of my phone. My phone buzzes before me just as I hear my mom calling my name out.

"Kali." She says firmly, receiving my full attention instantaneously. "I'm working a double tonight, I won't be home until late." My mom reminds me.

I nod even though I knew that already, she had told me schedule days ago. "Okay." I affirm.

"What's got you smiling so much this morning?" She questions, curiosity taking over her entire face.

I shrug, not wanting to tell her about Damian. There was nothing to tell. "Just in a good mood today. Aspen and Lia sent me something funny, that's all." The lie slips out before I can stop myself. For some reason I felt the need to protect Damian from my mother, I don't know why exactly but it felt as if I talked about him to my mom, it would be all too real and would be bound for disaster.

"I haven't seen those two in forever. You never have them over anymore." My mom said, her voice raising as she asks the unspoken question of why.

I, again, shrug. "They're pretty busy that's all." My number of lies that I've told my mom since I woke up rises in count. The truth was, I stopped inviting them over after my parents got divorced. I didn't want them, with their perfect families, to see the train wreck that mine had turned into. Admitting that my father ran off with another woman, leaving my mom and I to take care of my siblings, was admitting that he'd won and that I wasn't loveable.

"You should invite them over soon, I miss seeing those two." My mom announces after kissing my forehead as her way of goodbye. I expertly moved my phone to face my body, hiding the evidence of my lies.

"Yeah, sure." I mutter, turning back to the counter as guilt settled in my stomach. My mom tells me that she'll see me later and I soon hear the door brush closed, my eyes cast down at my mug that is filled with coffee I no longer feel like.

~ ~ ~

My conversation with my mother lingers in the kitchen as I start to make pancakes for Austin and Courtney. My thoughts drift from every word that was exchanged between us to everything that we were both not saying. Guilt was eating me alive for hiding things from my mom but for once, I felt that I shouldn't have to tell her everything about my life especially when she had been keeping things from me.

My brother grumbling a 'morning' at me wakes me from my spinning thoughts. I hadn't even heard his footsteps coming downstairs.

"I'm making pancakes." I excitedly broadcast to him, shaking the spatula in my hand towards the scene in front of me which is covered with the mixing bowl filled with batter, the frying pan already browning a pancakes, and the already made pancakes on the plate next on the other side of the counter. The smallest bit of a smile forms on Austin's face.

"Blueberry?" He asks me, hoping to hear that what he thinks is true.

"Of course, and chocolate chip for Courtney." I tell him but he's already made his way into the kitchen where he rummages through the fridge to grab the maple syrup. He could careless that I've made a different kind for Courtney.

"What are we doing today?" Austin questions, his voice muffled as he continues his search for something in the refrigerator.

I shrug, even though I know that he won't see me and I'm not even facing his direction. "Depends on what you two are up for." I answer, although an idea had been swirling through my mind since I woke up this morning. "It looks like it's going to be really nice out today."

Austin finally closes the door just as I am pouring more batter into the sizzling frying pan. I glance over to what he's got in his hands only to find an assortment of fruit, maple syrup, and whipped cream.

"Can we make water balloons?" Courtney's booming voice jumps in to the conversation, her question coinciding with what I had been thinking about all day so far.

Austin's eyes snap up with mine, a hint of excitement beneath them. "And the water guns?" He pitches in.

I find myself gleaming at the both of them before nodding. "That sounds like a great idea."

My phone buzzes on the counter for the second time this morning, reminding me that I had completely forgotten to text Damian back after my mom had left for work. Speaking of...

Damian: Definitely looks like it'll be a nice day

Damian: Good thing you aren't holed up at the bookstore :)

"Can Damian come over?" Courtney prompts as if she was able to read my mind. My fingertips are immediately gliding across the keyboard of my screen. Hopefully, he'll say yes.

~*~*~*~*