sonder

chrysalism

Chapter Thirty Three

Chrysalism

(n.) the amniotic tranquility of being indoors during a thunderstorm.

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    I woke up fifteen minutes before my alarm to the sound of thundering footsteps and a slamming front door followed by the tinkering of rain drops on my window. My head pounded to the ricochet of the door as I dragged myself to stand in the cold air of my room.

    Ever since my fight with my parents and then my fight with Damian, life seems to have gotten colder. The glaring looks that I now received from my mother as a form of communication and the lack of Damian in my life were the foundations for my nonstop headache that has persisted for three days straight. I could tell that Austin and Courtney were starting to suspect something was up but our routine that started at the beginning of the summer had just creeped back up on us. I should've known that changing for the better was too good to be true.

    By the time that I reached the front door to drop off my siblings at Mrs. Harvey's I had already turned my body onto autopilot as my brain was consumed by two people, both of which I wasn't on speaking terms with.

    The rain pelted down onto the ground as Mrs. Harvey answered, a concerned look on her face as Austin and Courtney ran into the house behind her.

    "What's going on with you, sweetheart?" Mrs. Harvey asks me immediately after my brother and sister are out of earshot.

    My arms cross defensively in front of my chest, wishing not to be in this situation right now. "Nothing, just getting ready for senior year." I explain, a disbelieving look taking over Mrs. Harvey's face.

    "You'll tell me if you need anything or if something is wrong, right?" She questions, not prying into my answer which is what I was hoping would happen. I nod automatically, ready to face my walk to work, alone with my own thoughts. Although Mrs. Harvey still doesn't look pleased with our conversation, she wishes me a good day and I thank her as I always do. Then, I'm left with me, myself, and the rain.

    The stomping reverberations of my mother's footsteps outside my door echo through my mind in time with the thunder that picks up with each step I take towards the cobblestone of Main Street. Her stunned eyes from the night that I exploded and expressed everything that I've been bottling up flash before me in the puddles that I walk through. I've never seen her look more disappointed and disgusted with me.

    The place where Damian would usually walk me home to brings up the other part of that day that I've been mulling over. His broken eyes pierce into my soul when I think about him now. A touch of anger follows though and then is flooded over by guilt... I felt like I'd destroyed him.

    It's funny how life works sometimes, I think to myself. After finally going off on the one person who wrecked my life, destroyed my childhood, and had ruined my chances of ever believing in love, I'd gone and crushed the one person who I had trusted since I'd shattered.

    Damian had made me feel like I wasn't so damaged after all, he made me realize that everyone has their own issues and I could get past mine; however, that doesn't change that fact that I don't believe in love or relationships. And Damian falling in love with me was the last thing I needed because now, I've lost him and my parents for good now.

    My mother was definitely never going to forgive me. If there's one thing I've learned over the years of taking care of her it's that a man will always come between her and I. My presence was simply an inconvenience to her romantic agenda, especially when it came to my father.