sonder

eleutheromania

Chapter Eighteen

Eleutheromania

(n.) an intense and irresistible desire for freedom.

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    I caught her staring at me from across the classroom, her blue eyes twinkling with mischief. I was hooked instantly.

    It was the week before I got my driver's license, the right of passage to freely take the car whenever I wanted with whoever I wanted, when I met Rosie. My obsessions hadn't gotten bad yet but I was drifting at this point in time, waiting for something to bring me ashore. I had always believed that with getting my license, a symbol of freedom, that I would be able to escape my world. It would give me an escape, the answer to all of my problems.

    As it turned out, Rosie happened to be that something, her mesmerizing blue eyes and mysterious grin was the distraction that I needed from the obsessions, the negativity, the everything. She was definitely more intriguing than a car too.

    The day after passing my driver's test, I took Rosie on our first date, one of many to come, and we drove all around my hometown. She whispered to the stars, knowing that even they were enchanted by her. Her voice was like a blanket, warm and inviting, as she spoke of her future, one that even I knew she'd live up to. She wanted to be great things in her life and I wanted to be apart of that.

    As it turns out, our relationship wasn't very amazing, it mostly revolved around this idea that we would amount to something bigger than this town, bigger than this life. I believed every word she said as if the world revolved around her rather than the sun; however, much like Icarus, I flew way too close to the sun.

    Rosie was my first taste at freedom but she was also my first taste of being a prisoner to my own mind. After I caught her cheating, the negative thoughts, ones that I couldn't so easily turn away from, took over until I spiralled to the ground, lifeless and burnt out.

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    The weight of Kali's head on my shoulder sparked something within me that could only be described as a stampede. My heartbeat was doubling in speed with every glance I took to look at her. Just observing her today had caused me to feel even more and more attracted to her, from the way she giggled like a kid when we were throwing water balloons at each other to seeing her love and protective nature over both Austin and Courtney.

    I only wished that I could be what she needed.

    Jeremiah had the widest smile on his face as we walked back home, both of us in higher spirits than I had expected. Mr. Harvey's wife waved to both of us as we walked up the street and past their house, I assumed that Mr. Harvey had probably told us about who we were sometime during the day or she was just being friendly; whichever the case, I waved back as did Jeremiah.

    We were about halfway between our houses when Jeremiah turned to me, his eyes alive with joy. "I really like them." Is all he says, simple yet powerful.

    I nod in agreement. "They're pretty great." I echo.

    Jeremiah excitedly tells me all about how Austin is apart of the local U-14 team that my parents had told me. He explains that the team is actually really talented and only accept the best of players in the area. I nod to all of his thoughts, my mind thinking about my experience playing soccer growing up and how much I used to really enjoy the sport. "So, I was wondering..." Jeremiah finally gets to, nerves and uncertainty clear in his tone of voice. I make eye contact with him as we continue on our way nearing our house now. "Do you, um, could you, possibly help me to, I don't know, train to get on the team?" He asks.