How To Kill Love

Chapter 40- Sacrifice

Elly's P.O.V

I did it. I finally did.

Sometimes, true love doesn't exist in being together, but wanting the best for the other.

I knew this day would come. The day Harith will leave town for abroad because Mary told me how he has been staying all this time because of me.

I hate how I'm a burden in people's lives. If destroying someone's feelings for their own good is going to give them the best in life then so be it.

The most evil feeling is the guilt I'm experiencing right now. How could I be such a monster? I've been preparing myself for this day, the day I would protect Harith from myself. He's been giving his all to me and I know I'm not worth it. I don't deserve him, so I'm letting him go.

But who the hell does that? Let someone they love feel heart broken to leave you for their own sake? Me.

The clićhe make believe thing about love is always being there for each other, but sacrificing happiness for someone else's happiness is pure love itself. "How sure are you that he is happy even without you?"

It doesn't matter if he's happy or not as long as he gets to live his life normally with people who are normal. All our batch mates are out there finding jobs, taking board exams and living life as adults while Harith is here stopping himself from achieving his dreams. It makes me feel selfish as a person who is allowing him to stay in my life, rendering fallen dreams.

I know Harith's flight is booked tomorrow. His mom booked it a year ago after he graduated and he is not going to accept it when he's staying because of me.

Faking how I feel is one of the worst things I've ever done. Telling him how I didn't want to kiss him more and hold him because I didn't feel the same was the worst. I know I don't remember much of the past, but if I were to choose between Ash or Harith. I would choose Harith over and over again because he's willing to give up almost everything because of his love for me. Harith is caring, funny, kind, loving, everything else perfect and less of a jerk compared to Ash.

Sometimes, I feel like Ash takes advantage of me like that one time he forced a kiss as a goodbye. I felt violated and he reasoned how it's the best kind of goodbye. Maybe I've been spending time with him, but after learning how he is, it's like he's the type of man who would take advantage of you if given a chance. It's like he's done this before in the past, but I can't lay my finger in remembering.

Living in a seemingly different person until now is something I'm not that accustomed to. I guess it's because I'm not sure of my feelings and everyone seems new most of the time.

It's also about the actions I've done in the present that makes me think, "Can I just have another amnesia to forget all the things I've caused?" And I know deep inside that escaping the reality I did is another sin made in heaven.