Stay With Me {KTH FF}

Honesty

I don't think I can survive this, because he has made me realize how much I miss being held by a man. It's been so, so long... God help me, what do I do?

~🌺~

I came out of the bathroom, and my bedroom door was opened. He had left my room, and the door was closed to Abbey's room.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and went into my room to get dressed, closing the door behind me. I hurriedly put on some yoga pants and a t-shirt, as I was planning to try to get a walk in today at some point. I found socks, and after tying my sneakers, I pulled my hair up, and twisted it into a bun on top of my head. That's the best its going to get.

I cautiously opened the door, and peeked out. The bathroom door was closed, and I could hear the shower.  

Oh my God. 

I quickly went down the stairs and made my way to the coffee pot, fixing a much needed cup. Then I grabbed the creamer from the fridge, and sat down at the table, staring into that cup of coffee, searching it for answers, it seemed.

Do I say something to him? Like what? Keep your distance... yeah...okay...because you really mean that, right?

Or do I just leave it alone. And what ever happens...happens.

Nothing was going to happen. 

Honestly, at this point, my life was never going to be the same. As childish as it sounded, I felt like even after he was gone, he would always be here.

And he will eventually be gone Shae, so keep that in mind.

I knew that I would never forget a single thing about this...every detail will be forever etched in my mind, and my heart. My aching heart. The fact that he had sat in a certain chair, or used my towels, slept in my bed... I closed my eyes, and wished for the umpteenth time that I was 20, because...well, just because.

I was so lost in thought that I never heard him come into the kitchen. I'm not sure how long he had been standing there when I finally looked up and noticed him.

He was leaning against the door frame, his arms behind him, watching me. This time, I took him in openly from head to toe, not caring that he knew, because he looked that fucking good. His dark hair was wet, and hung in his eyes. It was kinda long, and It looked sexy as hell. He had on a dark grey t-shirt with Korean writing on it, I had no idea what it said, nor did I care. He wore a pair of almost white stonewashed jeans that had holes and tears in all the right places, and made my heart skip beat. He had one leg crossed over the other, and had on a pair of black high top Converse sneakers.

How does this man even exist? He is so perfect it's unreal.

I looked back up to see if he was still watching me. His arms were now crossed in front of him, and he was, indeed, watching me.

He straightened up, and dropped his arms, walking over to the table.

"Good morning." He smiled at me.

"Good morning." 

I started to ask him if he wanted coffee, then I remembered that I'd seen or heard that he didn't drink coffee. But I wasn't sure if I wanted him to know that I knew that. 

"Help yourself if you want anything. There's orange juice in the fridge, coffee and hot cocoa, over there." 

I pointed to the little coffee nook I had created in the corner. 

"And there's cereal, oatmeal, and pop tarts in the cabinet."

He nodded, and made his way to the cabinet, getting a glass, and then finding the orange juice, and pouring himself a glass. He sat opposite me at the table, but he didn't speak right away. He looked like he was trying to decide what to say, or maybe, how to say it. 

Finally, after a couple minutes had passed, he spoke.

"I'm...sorry... if I made you feel...not comfortable... I didn't mean to." 

He looked so serious, and I realized I didn't want him to feel bad. It wasn't his fault. 

"I turned and you were there, so I did what felt...normal?...and put my arm around you. You moved closer, so I think you wanted me to stay there...and...I liked holding you." He tilted his head, and gave a half smile.

I looked at him, deciding that now was probably a good time to be honest.

"V, I'm not sure how to say this, but...I want to be completely honest with you."

He looked into my eyes, and I hesitated, but only for a second. If I didn't say it now, I probably never would.

"I think that you are... amazing... and I've spent more hours than I should wishing that I was 20 years younger, because, well, lets just say I'd be more then willing to have you sleep in my bed..." 

He was looking at me funny...

"Do you understand what I'm saying?"

He nodded, "I do...but I don't understand why..."

You're an idiot, Shae

"I'm sorry, I... I thought..." 

He stopped me by holding up his hand...

"Why are you wishing to be younger?"

Oh God, okay, we're being completely honest here.

I wasn't sure what to even say anymore.

"I'm sure I am going to make a complete fool of myself, and possibly say things that are beyond inappropriate, but I feel like I just need to say this so that I can get it off my chest..."

He nodded. "Okay."

"I'm old enough to be your mother, so it's really not okay that I...feel the way I do, but I don't know how to stop. I'm trying, really I am..."

He cut me off, speaking again.

"I don't want you to stop...and I don't want you to be younger..."

What? What is he saying?