Stay With Me {KTH FF}

Sorry

Once again, the tears were there. I was going to spend the rest of my life crying.

~🌺~

Eight days have passed since Taehyung left. I knew he was back in Korea now. I hoped he was doing better then I was.

I had tried keeping myself busy, but too many things reminded me of him, and distracted me. 

I hadn't listened to a BTS song yet, and I didn't know if I could. I wanted to. I missed it so much. 

But I was afraid to. I was afraid hearing his voice would send me right back to the day he'd left, and I didn't want to re-visit that day.

I had spent most of the past eight days trying to put things back into perspective. 

He is an idol. He is famous around the world. He lives in Korea. He's only 24 years old. Those 4 facts should be enough.

I had finally stopped crying every day.

Yesterday.

Yesterday was the first day I didn't cry. I hadn't cried today either. Yet.

The girls would be home tomorrow morning, and I was excited to see them. But at the same time, I wasn't. 

They would know something was wrong. We were close. I wouldn't be able to hide it from them for long.

I didn't know what I was going to tell them. Part of me thought I should be honest, to the extent that I could be. But another part of me said to hold off on telling them anything. 

I wanted them to know about BTS showing up here, about Namjoon wanting their letter to win.

I wanted them to know about the zoo. 

But I also knew if I told them all that, they would pick up on the fact that I wasn't myself, and start wondering why. If I didn't tell them anything, then they wouldn't be able to be detectives and try to figure out what's wrong.

But at the same time, they are all I have, and we generally don't keep secrets from each other. I wasn't sure what I would do yet. I was just sorry they hadn't been here.

~💮~

It was almost 11pm. I was tired, having spent the day shopping, trying to grab stuff for the girls when they got home. They had always complained about the camp food, so I knew they would look forward to a home cooked meal, and some of their favorite snacks. 

I wondered if I should try sleeping in my bed tonight. I hadn't yet. I couldn't. But the girls would wonder why I wasn't. 

I needed to do it. Now. Tonight.

I turned off the light, made sure the door was locked. And slowly made my way upstairs. I got to my room, and looked at my bed. 

It was still the way Taehyung had left it. 

I closed my eyes, squeezing the tears away, wondering if I would still be able to smell him. I hoped not. 

I also hoped so.

I grabbed my nightshirt, and went into the bathroom, pulling my hair up in a bun so it wasn't so tangled in the morning and brushing my teeth. I changed into my nightshirt, and made my way back to my room. 

I sat on the end of my bed, taking  a deep breath. I could do this. I had to. 

My phone dinged in my hand, and I jumped, wondering who it could possibly be at this time of the night.