Stay With Me {KTH FF}

Tear

"Namjoon, stop. I'm not a kid anymore. I love you, but I don't need you doing this right now."

~🌺~

"Fine," Namjoon grumbled, "just...remember what I said."

"Yeah, don't worry, I will." Taehyung shot back.

He put his arm around me, pulling me close, his other hand reaching up to feel my cheek, sensing that I'd been crying.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Please don't cry." He wiped the tears, pressing his lips to my head.

Neither one of us realized that Jimin was awake, and had heard everything the two of them had said, or that Namjoon was watching us in the rear view mirror.

~🌻~

We finally arrived at my house after the long ride, and I'd never been so glad to be home.

 Taehyung got out, and I followed, trying to be quiet, so as not to wake anyone. 

"Good night guys." I heard Jimin whisper quietly. 

I turned to see his sweet smile, and even in the darkness, I could see that he looked concerned, and...almost apologetic, but I wasn't sure why.

"Good night Jimin." I said quietly.

The others were all still asleep. 

"Good night Namjoon, and could you thank the others for me, I had the best time today, thank you so much for letting me hang out with you guys. "

"I will tell them. Good night Shae, Taehyung... and Shae, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Tae can explain everything to you, if he wants to." 

He waved, and Jimin was closing the door when Taehyung spoke.  

"Namjoon, let me know that you got back to the hotel okay, please." 

Namjoon nodded, letting out a yawn as he put the van into reverse, preparing to back out.

We walked to the door, Taehyung taking the key from me again to unlock it. We stepped inside,  closing and locking it behind us. 

It was 11:10, and they had about an hour drive to the hotel they were staying at. I knew he was worried about Namjoon staying awake.

We had an hour to wait, and I knew he didn't want to fall asleep until he knew they had made it safely. He looked at me, half smiling, half looking sad.

"Tell me what you and Namjoon were arguing about." I whispered.

He sighed. 

"He thinks you are going to get hurt, because he senses that you care for me, and he tried to say I should only stay here with you one more day, then come back with them. I told him I wasn't leaving you yet. He told me that the sooner I left, the easier it would be for you. I know he's probably right, and I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Taehyung... If you need to leave now, I understand. But, I don't know that I agree with him, because if you left right now, or 7 days from now, it's not going to change anything for me. It would be just as hard either way."

"I don't want to hurt you, Shae...and I...I don't know what to do."

It was going to hurt, no matter what, and I didn't think I could hide that from him. I didn't see any sense in trying.

"Tae," I whispered, "I don't want to scare you, and I'm afraid if I tell you what I'm feeling, I will. But I'm also afraid to not tell you, because I feel like if I don't, I'll regret it."

"Then tell me," he said softly.

"I know you have to leave, no matter how much I don't want you to. I've been struggling with accepting that. But I will, because I don't have a choice. I know you've only been here three days, but I feel like I've known you for...ever... and you might not believe me, but I..." 

I hesitated, and he stood in front of me, and held my hands in his, looking into my eyes, something close to a smile on his face.

"Tell me," he said, his voice full of tenderness.

My heart was so full of love for this man. How was I going to handle losing him.

"Taehyung, I love you, I loved you long before you walked thru my door three days ago. I think I loved you the first time I heard your voice...and, and I know its crazy, but that's how I feel. I know I'm going to lose you, and that I can't stop it from happening, and I know you don't feel the same way, I wouldn't expect you to...but I don't want to lose you any sooner then I have to."

My eyes had filled with tears as I spoke, and now they were rolling down my cheeks. He pulled me close, and just held me. He didn't say anything, just held me and let me cry.

I don't know how much time had passed, but I was finally able to stop crying enough to speak. I sniffled, wiping my tear stained face.

"I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have told you all that. I just know that I want to spend as much time with you as I can before you have to leave. I want to have a lot of memories, because soon, that's all I'm going to have."

He released me, and took my face in his hands, kissing me gently. "I'm not leaving..."

His phone went off, and he looked at it. He sighed, looking relieved. 

"Good, they got to the hotel safely." 

He typed a reply, hit send, and stuck his phone in his pocket. Then he took my hand, and led me upstairs, into my room, closing the door behind him.

He walked to the side of the bed, and sat, pulling me down next to him. 

"I want you to have good memories of me, not sad ones. Please don't be sad."

I closed my eyes. 

"I'm only sad because I know you will have to leave soon, but I'll be fine. I'll be sad after your gone, too, because I'm going to miss you, so much. But I know that I'm lucky to have you here with me now." 

The tears were coming again, and I blinked, trying to keep them from falling. 

"I also know that you have a life, and I am such a small tiny part of it."

I will never be fine. I will miss him always. But I don't want him to have that weight on his shoulders. I don't want him to feel responsible for my sadness.

"What if I want you to be a bigger part of my life?"