Stay With Me {KTH FF}

Maybe

And you know that it is the only thing you are going to be able to think about from now on.

~🌺~

He had gotten a call from Jimin, and stepped outside to talk. I put his empty glass in the dishwasher, and thought about what I was going to do next.

I decided I would go for my walk. Maybe I could think, and figure out what to do about his request. I waited for him to be done talking, so I could tell him that I was going for a walk...

He came inside a few minutes later, smiling. 

"All the guys say hi."

I smiled. I still couldn't believe I had met them all. 

"Tell them I said hi next time you talk to them." 

He nodded. 

"Taehyung, I'm going for a walk, help yourself to anything you need."

His head came up, and he smiled, looking at me with excitement.

"I'll come with you. I love it here, you have so much...nature," he said, waving his hand towards the windows.

What could I say? Not exactly what I had planned, but he looked so excited. I wasn't going to tell him he couldn't come.

A few minutes later we were walking down the driveway to the dirt road that I lived on. 

We started down the road, and walked quietly for a minute.

"Look, it's Jungkook!" He cried, pointing.

I glanced in the direction he pointed. Of course, there was a bunny. I was starting to think everything I'd seen in video's was true.

I heard something in the trees above, and looked up. I noticed a squirrel hopping from branch to branch, and was about to point, when I tripped over what must have been a stick. I launched forward, knowing I was about to face plant, but Tae grabbed my hand, keeping me from falling, and causing me to be spun around. 

I ended up directly in front of him, my free hand jerking up to catch myself, which landed on his stomach. His other hand had caught my shoulder. I froze for a second, taking a mental note of how his stomach felt under my hand. Then I straightened up, and backed away, his eyes on me the whole time. He still had my hand in his.

I took a breath, relieved I hadn't fallen, but a bit flustered nonetheless.

"Thanks". 

He just smiled, and kept walking, not letting go of my hand, but instead, intertwining his fingers with mine. I didn't try to pull away.

"Taehyung, why doesn't it bother you that I'm old enough to be your mother?" I questioned him.

"It's just a number, it's not who you are." 

He glanced at me. 

"Is my age the first thing you think of when you see me, or think about me?"

"No, of course not." I answered.

He gave me a sideways glance.

"Well then, why should I worry about yours? It doesn't change who you are. It only tells how much time you have spent here since...born."

I smiled, knowing he probably meant 'birth', but regardless, I got his point.

"Do you know why it's hard for me?" I asked.

"Why?"

"Because I have daughters that are 15 and 17, and if the 15 year old told me she was dating a 22 year old man, I would lock her in her room."

"I would too, she's still a child. But we aren't children."

"So, what if I was 50, would you have made the same request?"

"I can't answer for sure, but if I felt the same way then yes, I think I would have."

I looked at the road in front of me, trying to decide how I felt about his answer.

"What if it was the other way around? What if you were 44, and I was...?...how old are you? 22...23?" I was never going to understand his aging system.

"I'm 24. It's not hard to understand. We count each year we have been a part of. I have been a part of 24 years."

I thought about that for a minute, and all of a sudden, I understood.

Technically, he was 22, but the way Korea counted age, he was 24.

"And stop trying to make this about age," he said, "because it has nothing to do with that."

His phone dinged. He let go of my hand and pulled it out of his pocket, typing in his pass code.

Holy hell, his hands, those long fingers... I loved watching them. I had a thing for hands, and his were fucking perfect.

He laughed, and turned his phone for me to see. There was a shot of Jimin, thoroughly enjoying some dippin dots. I smiled. He swiped to the next shot, and it was Jungkook and J-hope, swinging on the swings.

"Don't you wish you were with them, having fun?" I asked, feeling bad that he was stuck here with me.

"No, I'm happy right where I am, and I am having fun." 

He held his phone up to take a selfie, and leaned his head close to mine. 

"Smile" he said. 

I couldn't help but smile. He showed me the pic, then I watched him type, and hit send. He stuck his phone in his back pocket.

He grabbed my hand and started walking again, swinging his arm slightly.

My mind was spinning so fast I felt dizzy. I was glad for his hand holding mine right then. I was torn...and so confused as to what the right decision was. I could grant his request, and God knows I wanted to...but I still wasn't sure he really knew what he wanted, and I didn't want to  take something from him that he really hadn't meant to give. 

Also, I didn't know if I could... I mean, the man looks at me just right, or touches me, even accidentally, and I'm melting, so there was a certain fear of spontaneous combustion...

Or I could tell him no, that I couldn't be the person who took his innocence, because I was afraid he would regret it later, and I couldn't live with myself if that happened. Also, If I'm completely honest with myself, I didn't think I could make love to him, and then just let him go when the time came...because I was having a hard time at the thought of him leaving already, and the most that's happened is him holding me.

He was absentmindedly playing with the ring on my finger, I felt him twist it...and then remembered with a start what the ring was. My girls had gotten it for me as a "reward" for learning to tell them all apart. It had "V" and "1995.12.30" engraved on it with a tiny rhinestone in between.

Please God, don't let him look at it, please, please, please...

He picked up my hand, and glanced at the ring, then smiled at me like a little boy.

"It might be on the wrong finger, you know..." He said, narrowing his eyes.

I felt my face getting hot, and I pulled my hand free.

"I'm heading back now, I'm thirsty..." I said, as I hurried back towards the house.

He needs to stop looking at me like that, because my insides were in a giant knot already, and he wasn't helping.