Stay With Me {KTH FF}

Confusion

"What if I want you to be a bigger part of my life?"

~🌺~

"Taehyung, you don't. You have so much ahead of you, and I know there is a girl your age out there somewhere that is going to make your heart beat faster, your palms sweat, and your knees weak, someone you won't be able to live without." 

He had been looking at the floor, and he finally turned to look at me.

"What if I said that you make my heart beat faster?"

"No, Taehyung, I don't. And if I do, it isn't for the right reasons."

"Why would you say that? You think you know my reasons?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying..."

He suddenly stood up, walking to the other side of the room, then turned around. He looked hurt.

"I know your still hung up on the age thing, but I don't know why, because I told you many times I don't care. It means nothing to me. It's just a number." 

He looked at me then, and I felt like he was angry. 

"Do you know that when I walked in your door for the first time, and saw you, my heart beat faster? Do you know that when I realized that you had actual feelings for me, my palms got sweaty? Do you know that the first time I kissed you, my knees got weak? Do you know that when Namjoon reminded me that we leave in 7 days..." 

He stopped, and took a deep breath, then came over to sit back down next to me. He closed his eyes, seeming a bit calmer, and took my hand in his. I was shaking. 

"When he reminded me that we leave in 7 days to go back home...I didn't know how I was going to do it, because I don't know how I'm going to live without you..."

I couldn't think straight. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. I was confused, because I wanted this, but at the same time, I was scared of it happening. Not only that, but I didn't understand how he could believe he had feelings for me. 

So I sat there, silent, for how long, I don't know.

I finally heard him speak again.

"Say something...please."

"I...I don't understand what's happening. I..."

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly very dry.

"A week ago, I was watching you on the TV, in music video's, and other videos that my daughter's would play, and I couldn't get enough of you. You became the reason I would get out of bed in the morning, and start my day with a smile."

By now, I was crying.

"I have hundreds of pictures of you saved on my phone. I...I couldn't let a day go by without seeing you in some form. I cursed my age so many times... because I just wanted to be young, so that I could feel like I had a chance, even though I knew I would never have a chance, because you were an idol. But, it was just the point of it. I knew that in reality, no matter how young I was, even if I was ever lucky enough to make it to a concert, you would never even notice me."

I wiped my tears away, but they kept falling. I looked at him, but couldn't make out his face through them.

"Now, today, I'm sitting next to you on my bed, and...I have your phone number saved in my phone, and I've been h...held in your arms... many times. I've been kissed by you, and, I've...we've... made love...and, I'm just so confused, and I don't know what's happening....."

"I'm trying to tell you that I love you..." he whispered.

I leaned over, feeling dizzy. He couldn't. He didn't even know me. He knew next to nothing about me. How could he say that.

"I need s...some water." I said, my voice shaking, along with every part of my body.

"Sit right there, I'll get you some."

I did as he said. He came back with a glass of water, but when I took it from him, I spilled some, I was shaking so much. He took it from me, and held it to my lips, so I could take a sip, then set it on the dresser.

He just said he loved me. Kim Taehyung just told me he loved me. What was I supposed to do now?

I was in a state of shock. I had no idea what to say, or do, and I just sat there, watching him pace the room.

"Why can't you just let it happen? Stop pretending you didn't hear me. I said I love you..."

He spoke louder then normal, and I flinched, and looked at him.

"What are you scared of?" He whispered, "Why can't you just accept that I love you?"

"Because I'm still in disbelief that you are even here. I feel like this is all a dream, and I'm going to wake up soon, and realize that you were never really here. Because you are amazing, and everyone loves you, and you could have any one you want, and I don't know why you'd want me, and because I don't deserve you."

It all came out in a rush, and I didn't even know if I was making any sense. I didn't know how to feel, I didn't know whether to be happy, or sad...I just didn't know anything anymore.

He came to me, and kneeled down right in front of me, taking my hands in his, squeezing them gently. 

"Do you feel that?" 

I nodded. 

He leaned forward, and gently kissed me. 

"Did you feel that?" 

I nodded again as my eyes filled with tears. 

He sat back on the floor, pulling me off the bed, where I landed in between his legs, as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him, his lips next to my ear. 

"How bout this?" He whispered, as he nuzzled my hair, kissing my head.

"Taehyung..."

"I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere." 

I sat there, in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably, my face pressed to his chest. 

"I'm no different than you, Shae, I'm just a man. My feelings work the same as yours do. The only difference is, I make my living on a stage, but I'm not special... I've become well known because of all 7 of us, I wouldn't be where I am without the rest of them. And yes, we have Army, and we love all of them, they are loyal, and have brought us to the success we have now...but I don't want any of them. I want you. Only you."