Stay With Me {KTH FF}

Innocence

"Are you sure you need me to teach you anything... because I'm starting to think you made that up"

~🌺~

"I didn't make it up" he said quietly.

I watched him swallow, then lick his lips. 

"I never said that I hadn't...messed around with girls before, but I've never made love."

I watched his face as he spoke, and I believed him, because as he said those words, he looked up. I looked into his eyes, and saw nothing but honesty.

"I'm sorry" I whispered, my breathing still not back to normal.

"Why? Don't be. I understand why you asked."

"You do?"

"Yes, I do." 

He looked at his hands, and twisted the ring on his index finger. 

"I do what I do on stage because I know that army like it. They want me to be sexy, so I give them what they want. But that's it... I've never even dated anyone."

You aren't just doing it because army want it... you're sexy without even doing anything. Every move you make is sexy.

I nodded, and sat there next to him, neither one of us saying anything. I didn't know how to feel. I couldn't believe he'd never even had a girlfriend. How has he not given in to temptation? Surely there have been thousands of fans making inappropriate propositions...yet he hasn't given himself away to anyone. 

And God knows, he could have anyone he wanted...

A few minutes passed. He finally reached over and took my hand in his, bringing it up so that the back of my hand rested against his cheek. I turned a bit, so I was facing him. His skin was so soft. He was so beautiful, I couldn't help but look at him. 

He let go of my hand, and looked at me, but I didn't take my hand away. Instead I turned it, so that my fingertips could graze his cheek, then, not able to stop myself, I slid my thumb across his lips, before dropping my hand.

I wanted him. More then I have ever wanted anything in my life. And it scared me so much. I had gone from being afraid to want him, to being afraid of not being able have him, and that fear made my heart ache so bad, I almost couldn't bare it.

It wasn't a fear of not being able to have him physically, because I knew I could, and I would...

God help me, because I also knew that he would take my heart with him when he left to go back home, because it was his, it would always be his.

My chest literally hurt, and I leaned over, trying to ease the ache. As magical as I knew making love to him would be, because if only for that moment in time...he would be mine, I also knew that I didn't want to lose him...except I wasn't allowed to feel that way, because he wasn't mine to lose.

He was an idol, a famous musician from another country, and this was all just a crazy dream, it had to be.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly.

I slowly straightened up, knowing that nothing was going to ease my heart, it was going to break...as sure as the sun would rise. It would break whether I made love to him, or I didn't. 

But I was going to...because I would rather have a broken heart with memories of him being mine, even for just one day, then to have a broken heart, and have to deal with that, knowing what could have been.

"Taehyung?" I said his name softly, questioningly.

"hmm..." 

He had his elbows on his knees, and was looking at his hands again.

"Did you mean what you said...earlier?"

"Which?" 

He still hadn't looked at me, and I wondered if I should even continue. He seemed thoughtful.

I took a breath, and exhaled slowly.

"When you said you wanted your first lesson today?"

He turned his head to look at me, his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip, which he then pulled between his teeth, before releasing it. 

"That depends."

"On what?" I asked, a bit surprised.

"How many lessons I'm allowed to get..."

He was joking, right?

"How many do you want?" I asked. I considered teasing him a little, certain that he wasn't serious, but decided against it. I wanted to make it as special as I could, so that he would never forget me.

He smiled. "I get to choose how many I want?"

"You do..." I said, smiling sweetly at him, still believing I was just playing along with his joke.

"Well in that case..." He said, looking at me with a crooked smile, "I want a lesson every day, until I leave."

The smile slowly left my face, and I took a breath, trying not to react. I felt the tears stinging the backs of my eyelids. I looked away, because I didn't want him to see, but he already had. He also knew why. He got up, and grabbed my hands, pulling me up to stand before him.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered. "I promise I won't mention it again.

He pulled me into his arms and held me there, one hand on the back of my head, his fingers tangled in my hair, pulling my bun loose. Right then, I just wished for time to freeze, so I could stay in his arms forever.

"I'd like to have my first lesson right now, please..."

And then time stood still.

I suddenly felt shy, and he must have sensed it, because he let go of me, then he took my hand and led me upstairs...into my bedroom, closing the door behind us.

Now isn't the time to be all prim and proper Shae, after all, your supposed to be the teacher here. Besides, you know you want him to fuck you till you can't see straight...

I do not... I don't...at least...not yet.

He was looking at me, and I tried to think of something to say.

"Taehyung, I'm...I haven't...been with a man in years. I just want you to know."

He sat on the edge of the bed, and bent down to untie his sneakers. I watched him, and wished I knew what he was thinking.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked as he pulled his sneakers off. 

He stood and took three steps, stopping right in front of me. Taking my face in his hands, he gently kissed me. 

"I'm sure." He whispered. 

I felt dizzy.

It's okay, you can stop feeling like your taking something from him. He wants this. Just let it happen.