Give me you | Markhyuck NCT

fuck everything

It was 9am on a Sunday morning. On this bright and sunny day, Haechan was finally let out from his prison of a hospital bed and was fully recovered. He checked out of the hospital and strolled through the hospital doors, his skin glistening underneath the morning light. It was truly refreshing to be able to go outside for once without having anything to worry about. That was until he remembered there were things to be worried about.

It seemed to be a reoccurring pattern where he'd make a tiny slip in decision and get an avalanche of an effect. At the bottom of the mountain, all the worries laid there, ready to torture him for eternity.

He had tried it so many times. Life just kept getting worse. There was an absence of emotion which replaced itself with exhaustion.

Besides, if he wasn't there in the world, it wouldn't make a difference: his friends wouldn't have to lose sleep being there to see him half dead in the hospital, for the nth time; his mother doesn't give a shit about his life anyway and he'd always be remembered as one of those spoiled rich kids. If life was such a bitch to him, why couldn't it just stop?

Why couldn't life just come to a halt or at least give him time to breathe? Why couldn't life let him make the right decisions? Why couldn't he just stop living... altogether?

Sighing, Haechan took a taxi back to his house. He watched as the rays of radiation burned the side of his face as he sat by the window. There was no smile in his face nor any emotion at all. All he felt was nothing.

He then entered the premises of his house quietly and was greeted with the furious face of his step mother. She was practically on the edge of bursting her own vein out of frustration.

"Hi, mo-"

"Why were you in hospital, again? I can't keep paying for your medical bills like this. If it happens again I assure you I won't pay for it."

Haechan frowned, trying to argue back. "But mo-"

"No! You need to be healthy and study for your exams! What if your friends get higher marks than you? You useless dog of a son! You can't even take care of yourself!" Threatening to hit the younger, the mother retreated to the kitchen for a nice mug of coffee.

Bitch.

Immediately, Haechan sprinted to his room and slammed the door with all the strength he could muster. Being drained from such an action, he slumped against the door and slid towards the floor. It almost felt like de ja vu.

"Fuck this. Fuck everything. Fuck my life. I can't do this anymore..." Haechan clutched his chest and tilted his head back, a long stream of tears rolling down the smooth surface of his cheek. He groaned and wailed with no interruptions, all the feelings that were bottled up now laid out for everyone to see.

He hesitantly stood up again and stumbled to his desk, an empty textbook and some pens laid out for him. Grabbing the black-inked ball pen in his palm, he looked at it longingly before he touched pen to paper. Just a subtle action made him realise that this was real. He just wanted to do something to alleviate the pain, but it wasn't enough. There was no going back.

Haechan slumped in the office chair, his vision clouded from his own tears. Cautiously, he opened the text book and saw its clear, empty lines. He began writing the words he never was truly able to say out loud: about who he loved, about his friends and even about his parents. There were separate letters for both his friends and mother since he had different things to write for each of them.