The Work of Love (Hajeongwoo)

29

Jeongwoo

I gently touched Haruto's face watching over him as he is in peace sleeping. Jihoon drove him home since he is badly sick and I hate myself right now for not knowing.

I stared at him- I'm still staring at him. I remember how much effort I need to excert to avoid his gaze nor even steal glances at him when he's aware. It was hard to hold on myself, to lock myself in my unknown fears of being real. I just don't know what's pulling me back to my comfort zone- to be alone.

"Yah, take a rest. I don't want you to be sick." I whispered at him feeling hot liquid started forming. Then it started streaming down my face.

I started crying silently as the pain keeps rushing onto my soul. It's a torture. Maybe for all the months that passed, this is my prize. To be slapped hard with the reality that I am no fit for this character- I'm not born to be a stone, and learning to be one is not effective.

I am born to love Haruto. Although it hurted me, hurts me or will hurt me.

I raised the blanket up to cover him well- he feels cold since his lips is somehow pale. I felt a sudden guilt. This is my fault.

I stood up to get some towel to wipe his sweat when I felt his hand holding mine trying to stop me from going.

"Jeongwoo, don't leave me please..." he said in a tone of sadness. His eyes are still shut and he looks like he is dreaming.

"Okay... I won't." I responded and get myself back beside him.

"Why did you let him kiss you... I hate it..." he added. I don't know if he's awake or not but I can say he is not aware of what he is saying.

"I did not..." I replied. I might be a fool responding to someone who's just doing sleep talking but I feel the urge to assure him that what he is thinking is not the truth.

"You've hurt me so bad, Woo... Yet I still want you."

That moment, I think I lost it all- control and my senses. Everything that I keep holding back, they have no use already.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I just cried. He might not remember this moment but right now, I want to show... me. The real one.

"I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I know you don't deserve my shits but here you are, still running and chasing after this useless person. I am not suited for you, Haru. Yet you keep making me feel I am destined to be with you, that both of us belong to each other." I whispered.

"Don't you like, Haruto? not a bit, Jeongwoo?" Yoonbin started asking me. I was taken aback, I can't find the right words to say. I'm afraid to answer this question. Everyone gets no response when they ask me this because I hate being honest- with my feelings for Haruto.

I just stared at him as he gave back the chills. He is sending me a look telling me "tell me the truth jerk" or "I know the truth but I kinda want to hear it from you"

I didn't respond making him gasp. Yoonbin has a great composure, he can control himself whenever he feels annoyed- and that's how he is right now. He put down the cup of tea, intertwine his hands as he leaned closer to the table.

"The truth, Jeongwoo. I want to hear the truth. Don't you trust me? I'm your buddy, you forgot?" he asked giving me a smirk. His smile is convincing, pulling me closer to telling him what really bothers me, why my feelings for Haruto still bothers me.

I heaved a sigh and ended up shaking my head. I won't tell him, I need to keep this to myself.

"Hyung, don't involve yourself with any matters about me." I said. He smirked.