The Dare | Yoonjin

Chapter 13

Yoongi POV

Parking my car in my driveway finally, I don't really know how the hell I managed to get here. I'm not really sure how I didn't pass out during some point on the drive back, but I guess that's what normalcy does to you. Makes you be able to survive and suffer the pain consciously.

Weakly pulling my body from the car, I try not to limp as I walk up to my front door and unlock it. It takes all of the energy I have to walk inside the apartment without crying, closing the door behind me and locking it before I move to collapse onto my couch.

The moment my body hits the soft furniture, I let out a small yelp of pain. The tears break free instantly, falling as I weakly roll myself onto my back. Bringing my hands up to cover my face, I begin sobbing hard, letting myself be emotional and weak for the first time in a long time.

It's just beginning to become too much. There's so much happening, so much that's falling apart at such a quick rate. I don't know how I'm supposed to keep up with it all. I'm still fucking human. I need time to process shit and deal with it. I need time to accept it. To figure out how to hide it all, digest the pain and agony.

I really thought I could handle the dare. I really thought I could do it. That it wouldn't be that terrible with Jin. I mean, yeah, I knew he wasn't particularly fond of me. I knew he was a little afraid of the cold emotionless person I am around everyone. I really thought I could show him differently though. I really thought that this would be a simple and easy chance to show him that I'm not just the asshole that he thinks I am, that maybe I could at least get him to warm up to me a bit.

He doesn't want to seem to budge though. He seems so damn set on hating my guts until the end of time. Fucking set on not at all giving me the chance. He refuses to accept the fact that I'm trying to give him the side of me that I hide from fucking everyone. The side that nearly every single person thinks doesn't exist.

It's so fucking hard though. The more I try to open up to him, the more he makes me want to completely destroy that side. It's not easy being told nearly every time I'm talking to him that he wants nothing to do with me, that he would never truly date me. That he hates this dare and hates me.

Trying to deal with that on top of what's now happening with the studio that's no longer mine and those assholes, isn't any easier. It was hard enough getting into this school and finding the loans to be able to get in here. I've worked my ass off for the last few years now, trying to do everything I can to stay in good standing with the school and get better with my music, trying to get myself somewhere. I've heard enough and been put down enough growing up. I really thought I'd gotten away from it all when I managed to come here.

Having someone destroy so much though, and then talking down on my music and myself...

It's not easy to hold on with.

Not when there isn't a single person supporting any one aspect of my entire life.

Rubbing my hands over my face, I try to make myself calm down. I can't just lay here and continue being weak. It doesn't get me anywhere. It doesn't get anything done. It doesn't help me solve how I'm going to hide all of these bruises and scratches tomorrow. It doesn't help me figure out how to conjure up enough money to replace that studio.

Forcing myself to take deep breaths, I know I need to calm down. I have shit to figure out. I have to sort this out. I have to accomplish something in my life. Even if I'm fucked up and in love with someone who will never give me so much as the time of day after this dare ends, even if I have to find work my life away for the next month to pay off that studio, even if I'll be alone the rest of my life, I still have some sort of chance to make my father proud. I still have time to make shit up to him.

And... maybe...

Maybe it isn't possible to make it up to him for the lives that I took. Maybe it isn't possible for him to love me.

But I can at least try.

I can try to do something with my life. I can try to make it up to him.

Even if he takes all of his hatred and anger and pain out on me, he's still all I have. I have to try to make something of myself for him.