Speaking

--6--

All I could hear from downstairs was the sound of clanging as I held in my mother's arms. All of a sudden, Dad had told us to do upstairs. I flinched hearing another crash. I felt mom’s arms leave me. She turned to me with a sad smile, “Stay quiet and if you hear someone come up here hide in the closet.”

I couldn’t speak. I was too scared. I nodded, watching as she left the room, closing the door behind her. There were some more bangs downstairs, followed by yelling and then nothing. It went completely silent.

I felt my heart race. Why had it gone so quiet? Are mom and dad okay? I jumped hearing footsteps creep up the stairs. Closet, I need to get to the closet. I did as mom told me, I ran lightly to the closet, using some clothes to hid my body and closing the door as much as possible. Through the crack I noticed two men step inside, searching for something. Is it me? My hands shaking violently, I raised them to my mouth to muffle my cries. One of the men turned to my direction, his mouth slightly opened making his teeth visible. They’re sharp and covered in blood.

Yuto, like Yuto’s.

I shot up from my bed, sweat dripping from my brow. I let out silent cries as I hugged my knees. I haven't had that dream for years, why am I having it now? Is Yuto like the people that killed my parents? My head started to race. He couldn’t be! He’s been nothing but good to me and so caring. I don’t want to believe it. I sat in silence for a while, the thoughts running through my head and then I heard the door to the apartment open. My room is near the door so I can hear when someone comes in or leaves. “Good morning Lulu,” I head sis greet. Lulu? Why did she come over?

“Morning Emi,” I heard Lulu’s kind voice. “Where’s Yuya?”

“In his room,” Sis let out a big sigh.

I heard the door close and by the sound of their footsteps, probably made their way into the living room. Why’s Lulu here? I didn’t think she would be allowed to make a home visit. I got up from my bed and sat next to my door, opening it up slightly so I could listen in better. “It’s been hard you know,” Sis began. “I thought moving here would give him a new start. He’s been smiling so much recently and I thought ‘what if he says something?’ And now we’re back at square one.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” I heard Lulu coo. "Like you say, Yuya has made wonderful progress. Yuto tells me about how hard he works in class and how he’s made wonderful bonds with his classmates. I can’t lie in saying I haven’t hoped that perhaps this new environment will encourage him to speak. Don’t think of this as a step back, think of it as a bump in the road.”

I listened carefully as I started to hear crying. Sis? I can’t help but feel bad. They are right, I've haven't been this happy in years but I can’t forget that image of Yuto’s teeth. I want to see him but I don’t. If I go back to school, will he act strange around me? Will he push me away?

“I just want the best life for him,” Emi cried out. “I try so hard; I just want my little brother to be himself.”

I bit my lip, I never realised how much pressure all this must be putting onto sis. When all this happened, she was in her first year of high school and it looked promising for her to attend a prestige college but all that went downhill. She missed school most days because of me and, though she graduated with good grades, never perused college.  She gave her life up for me and I never realised it.

Me hiding in here from my problems won’t solve anything. I took a deep breath a few times before leaving my room. I saw Emi wiping her eyes as Lulu sat next to her with a hand on her knee. It was Lulu who noticed me first. “Oh, hi Yuya,” She greeted with a smile.

“You’re up?” Emi asked. I nodded walking over and hugging her tightly. I wish I could say I'm sorry for being selfish. I never thought about how our parent’s death affected her. Yesterday scared me so much and I might not get over it right away but I need to at least try so sis isn’t being held back. She’s been thinking about me all this time; she needs a bit of happiness too. “You trying to squeeze the air out of me?” She laughed. I let go of her a little, avoiding her eyes. “You had a bad dream?” I nodded; she can always tell. I’m not sure how. “I know yesterday was scary for you so Lulu offered to come by.”

“Yuto told me a bit what happened,” She said and my body went stiff. I wonder what he told her. “He’s very worried about you but he’s scared you won’t want to see him.” I do, well most of me wants to. Lulu gave a smile as she handed me a white board and pen. I looked at it for a moment, a bit confused. “It’s for you to tell us how you feel.”

I nodded sitting down and wrote what I wanted to say. ‘I’m a bit scared to but I want to see Yuto.’

“I’ll let him know,” Lulu said. “He’ll come by the café tonight and check on you.”

I gave a small nod. I just have to face him, even if he’s like the people from that night doesn’t mean he acts like them. He’s a good person, that I’m sure of.