my hands almost always shake.
sometimes i struggle to write, but it mostly just makes it hard to do simple things like take a nice photo.
i can't stop going through my camera roll just so i can see you smile again.
my hand never shook when it was in yours.
my hand fit so perfectly in yours.
my heart often beats so fast i can hear it resound throughout my body.
i need somewhere to put all of this heartbreak down.
i need somewhere to rest, somewhere to let go.
our bodies intertwined so perfectly.
my thoughts sat in your hand so quietly.
i stopped overthinking when i was around you.
such a rarity that i took for granted.
i believed you when you said you loved me.
i believed you when we would talk about our future together.
i believed you and i trusted you, but now all i am left with are broken promises and a gut wrenching weight that sits so consumingly in my chest.
i will be okay again.
i will find a way to curl my tongue around your name without feeling the need to throw up all of my thoughts and emotions.
i feel physically ill when i think of you and what we had, but i will be okay again.
i will heal.
my hands may shake and my heart may beat too fast.
i may not have mastered the ability to stop my thoughts from overflowing, and i may wear my heart on my sleeve with a sense of naivety you wouldn't expect.
but despite all of this, i love.
i love and i give and i care.
it is not my fault i am not what you wanted.
i am not at fault for you not knowing what you wanted.
i am my own person, i am whole and i am true.
it hurts.
i gave you everything i had.
i believed you and it hurts.
[ song ; i love you - billie eilish ]
