this is an apology letter to the both of us for how long it took me to let things go
i'm sorry for trying to fix you. i guess i've never really known what to do with my hands. one day i found myself digging through your insides, trying to reassemble the broken pieces. you never asked me to do that. you must've known it wouldn't work, or maybe you didn't want it to.
i'm sorry for hating your new girlfriend. she has a really nice smile and i'm always covering mine with my hand. i was angry because i could tell she loved you differently than i did, but maybe she has the kind of love you need. i hope someone does because you deserve that, and the idea of seeing you hold someone else's hand doesn't scare me anymore.
i'm sorry for holding onto us when there was nothing left to hold onto. i needed to feel something, and you were there. i think i convinced myself i was heartbroken so i didn't have to admit that i was numb. i'm sure i've told you something similar to this in a drunk voicemail, but i want to tell you again. this time, without crying.
i'm sorry for all the metaphors about blood and death and tearing myself apart. at the time i truly believed that you were the one who broke my heart. i realize now that i did it to myself, so this is the last poem i'll write for you. i mean every word.
i'm sorry for how angry our ending made me. i'm not resentful anymore, you know - towards you or myself. i've moved on like you always wanted me to.
i'm sorry it took so long.
